X Factor, Saturday 8pm, ITV

Posted by Michael Baggs

Everything changes when X Factor hits the live shows. This is the point which separates the men from the boys - or to be more specific, separates the Danyl Johnsons from the Rikki Loneys.

Last night’s show celebrated the work of Robbie Williams - the first of the series’ big name acts to men tor the 12 hopeful finalists. However, the live show was remarkably Robbie-free as only a handful of contestants sang songs by the former Take That star.

Rachel Adedeji opened the show with a solid performance of his ‘Let Me Entertain You’, before former strippers Kandy Rain turned out an impressive cover of Robert Palmer’s ‘Addicted To Love’. The foursome’s performance sparking an early clash between the judges as Dannii and Cheryl attacked the girls’ provocative costumes while Simon and Louis celebrated the flesh flashed.

Essex lad Olly Murs and Rikki Loney struggled to make an impact with their covers of ‘She’s The One’ and Amy Winehouse’s ‘Back To Black’ before Dagenham mum Stacey Solomon’s rather wonderful take on Coldplay’s ‘The Scientist’ was the first standout performance of the night. Having already charmed the nation with her personality, Stacey’s natural sparkle and stunning voice seems certain to see this girl reach the latter stages of the competition.

Miss Frank were typically flawless on their performance of soul classic ‘Who’s Lovin' You’ before Jamie Archer turned out a rather flat rendition of T-Rex’s ‘Get It On despite the band, dancers and huge set supporting his performance. Sixteen-year-old Lloyd Daniels tackled Justin Timberlake’s ‘Cry Me A River’ with a performance that was slightly awkward but which will no doubt have struck a chord with the more maternal viewers.

Lucie Jones (who felt the need to remind us, for the umpteenth time that she is just a girl from a small town in Wales) stood out as one of the show’s strongest singers with her performance of Leona Lewis’s ‘Footprints In The Sand’. The girl’s got a great voice and looks good, but the star potential is yet to shine through.

Now. John & Edward. Facebook ‘hate’ groups, national newspaper campaigns to force them off the show, even boos from the studio audience - it’s staggering that so many people have rallied such venom towards two teenage boys. True, their vocals were the weakest of the night but their performance of Robbie’s ‘Rock DJ’ was the evening’s most entertaining and was reminiscent of the glory days of previous finalists, Same Difference.

Joe McElderry rounded off the under-25 boys’ category (mentored by Cheryl Cole and by far the weakest category of the season) with a stage-school performance of ‘No Regrets’. His voice is great, but perhaps far too suited to musical theatre for X Factor success.

Danyl Johnson closed the show with a staggering cover of ‘And I Am Telling You’, (made famous most recently by Jennifer Hudson). The strongest performer of the night, Danyl would be the year’s sure-fire winner if it weren’t for his on-stage arrogance which could all too easily prove his downfall and as Louis Walsh warned him: "You need to become more likeable - you haven’t won the competition yet." The last thing the voting public want is to have their winner served up to them in week one - we’ll make our own judgements, thank you very much.

Peter Andre: The Next Chapter, Thursday 9pm, ITV2

Posted by Jane Murphy

“Peter Andre is back!” announced the overexcitable voiceover at the start of last night’s opening episode. Now, is it just me or does it seem like he never went away? Since breaking up with wife Katie Price five months ago, Saint Peter has been here, there and everywhere. He even got to do the continuity announcements on ITV2 before and after his show. 

Peter Andre: The Next Chapter slips effortlessly into the hole in the schedule left by his ex-wife’s post-marriage reality show, What Katie Did Next. So now we get to see what Team Pete got up to while Team Katie were partying in Ibiza, horse-riding in Sussex and hogging the limelight at cage-fighting events in London’s East End. “Come with Pete as he moves forward,” the voiceover continued - before the action wound back three months to July.

So what did Pete do? He posed in his pants for the News of the World’s Fabulous magazine; he won a libel case at the High Court; and he was interviewed on Heart FM. And in another no-holds-barred scene, he retrieved a bogey from son Junior’s eye and lightly scolded daughter Princess for doing a poo in her nappy - before taking both kids on a fruit-picking expedition.

Pete was also seen responding to the news that Katie was on holiday in Spain with new boyfriend Alex Reid - by composing some apparently off-the-cuff song lyrics. An example? “Take a hike down to Devil’s Dyke / You ain’t worth s**t - and maybe this song’ll be a hit”. Yeah, maybe, Pete.

There’s no doubt about it: Peter Andre is a very nice bloke who’s put a hell of a lot of effort into his resurgent music career. Still, I can’t help thinking his foothold on the moral high ground over Katie is looking decidedly shaky. After all, can you imagine the fuss if she sang a childish song about him on camera? Maybe it’s time for someone to take Pete to one side and whisper, “Give it a rest now, mate.”

So what did you think of Peter Andre: The Next Chapter? Tell us here.

Picture: Wenn

SEE ALSO:
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Pete dines out with Chantelle and Mel B >>
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Strictly X rated?

Posted by Stewart Turner

Strictly Come Dancing viewers are getting all hot under the collar again, but this time its not new judge Alesha Dixon’s lack of knowledge or Bruce Forsyth’s increasingly appalling jokes in the firing line.

Sex has reared its ugly head in the primetime schedules, with a number of viewers getting their knickers in a twist about the revealing nature of some of the dancers’ outfits, most notably Lillia Kopylova's sequinned straps number and Footballers Wives star Zoe Lucker’s “barely there” fringed leotard.

“I wish Ola and the other girls would remember that young children often watch the show,” trilled one irate Strictly viewer. “They should wear clothes that are elegant rather than suitable for an adult-only show.”

The Secret Millionaire, Wednesday 9pm, Channel 4

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Now it's reached series six, you do wonder whether The Secret Millionaire might have lost its element of secrecy. Have charities and community groups started greeting the unannounced arrivals of mysterious strangers and their camera crews with bigger doses of friendliness than they used to?

Actually, last night's series opener had a pretty furtive plant, in the form of blind 36-year-old businesswoman Liz Jackson, because the truth – that she runs a massively successful telemarketing company which employs 130 people – was as unguessable as it was inspiring.

Farmer Wants A Wife, Wednesday 9pm, Five

Posted by Stewart Turner

The farmer wants a wife, and rather than give internet dating a bash or stick a blonde wig and a frock on one of the friesians, he’s decided to call in the help of Louise Redknapp and her Five cohorts.

Proto-Wag Louise, a woman with about as much charisma as a comatose Kate Thornton, introduced us to Derek, a Bucks carrot-cruncher who was lucky enough to get 334 rather fruity responses to his lonely hearts ad on the Five website.

After whittling them down to just four, the lucky ladies were marched onto his farm like prize heifers at a cattle market. After deciding to ditch scary Russian Anna, who decided Derek was “the one” solely by a photo on a web page, and another lucky lady whose name escapes me, he picked flirty Canadian Karla and horsey Sarah to move onto the farm for a week.

Strictly Come Dancing rehearsals

Posted by Stewart Turner

The stars of Strictly Come Dancing have spent the last couple of weeks getting a crash course in the finer elements of the Foxtrot, Tango and the Waltz. Oh, and a few other things if the photos in the papers are anything to go by, eh Kristina and Joe?

But who can't wait to get their dancing shoes on, and who's still struggling with a pair of Size 12 left feet? The BBC has been kind enough to give us an insight.

Take a look and tell us who's your tip to win.

SEE ALSO:

Design For Life: The new Apprentice? >>

Last night's TV: Middle Class and Jobless >>

Latest TV news and gossip >>

Design For Life, Monday 9pm, BBC Two

Posted by Stewart Turner

If you’re anything like me you get your orange juice out of a blue-and-white striped carton with the word “Value” plastered across the front. But to legions of Guardianistas out there, the only way to experience your OJ is to have it dribbling down a spaceship-like Philippe Starck-designed juicer. The designer himself has now decided to give TV a try.

From the moment he appears on screen – in a pair of ill-fitting leather keks and a single brown leather glove – and starts booming on about “sex, flesh and sweat” in endearing Franglais, having rolled up on a purring motorcycle, it's clear Starck was made for the medium.

Since we're talking design, it's clear that someone on the production team regards The Apprentice as something of a classic. Here, however, the honking sales managers are replaced by 12 artsy, oddball graduates, and there's no mention of a "six-figure" salary at the end of the process. Instead they're fighting for an internship in Starck's design mothership, where they're presumably paid solely in philosophical soundbites.

After a brief session in which our dozen hopefuls simpered, swooned and smiled their way through the boss's damning verdicts on their application designs (An upside-down chair, anyone? A noose-shaped light fitting?), they were packed off to the local hypermarket – in an army jeep, naturally – with €100 (£88) to pick up a couple of products which demonstrated good and bad examples of either function, ecology or gender.

The design don was clearly taken with "No notes" Nebil's highly conceptual slant on things when he presented a phallic computer joystick and a multi-plug socket as examples of "male" and "female" in the gender category, but was less than enthusiastic with some of the other contestants’ half-baked ideas. Perhaps most notable in its complete and utter hopelessness was a packet of four iPod covers, supposedly demonstrating sound green credentials.

After a bit of deliberation and one final task, the three most useless applicants were packed off home – albeit with a Gallic peck on both cheeks rather than a stern, pointing finger and a ride in a black cab – and the rest of them will be back for more next week. Philippe Starck, one feels, will be around on our TV screens for considerably longer than that.

SEE ALSO:
Phil pays tribute to Fern >>
Peter Andre is lined up for This Morning >>
It’s Fern v Holly at the TV Awards >>

What Katie Did Next, Thursday 9pm, ITV2

Posted by Jane Murphy

At last! If you’ve spent the entire summer wondering what’s become of Katie Price since her shock break-up from Peter Andre, this eye-opening reality series is the answer to your prayers. But assuming you haven’t been on another planet or in a coma for the past three months, chances are you already know what Katie’s been up to - so why bother tuning in?

Well, last night’s opening episode did dish up a few fresh insights into Katie’s life post-Pete. For example, we saw her pay a visit to her publisher to view the final proofs for her new ghost-written style book. “When I look at some of these old pictures, I can see why people call me trash,” she admitted.

And then it was off to Ibiza with a handful of friends for that now-infamous calendar shoot, together with a spot of hard partying, paparazzi-baiting and tattoo removal. On the one hand, of course, Katie was just a single woman letting her hair down after a devastating break-up. But then again, it all seemed a bit desperate, embarrassing and - yes - trashy.

Remember how Pete always said he loved Katie but didn’t like the way she turned into “Jordan” after a couple of drinks? The scenes of her in Ibiza pretty much proved his point. Ignoring her friends’ pleas to slow down, be careful and for-heaven’s-sake-woman-put-your-jubblies-away, Katie/Jordan seemed brash, self-obsessed and out of control.

But, really, I’m sure there is a nice side to her. Probably. There are little hints of it when she’s playing with her three kids - or, as in last night’s show, wandering around her “empty” house, telling us how she’s “moved on from Pete 100%” when it’s blatantly obvious that she’s done no such thing.

Anyway, winning back Pete may now be out of the question - but there are still five more episodes in which Katie can try to win back her public. But will she do it? What do you think?

Picture: ITV

SEE ALSO:
Peter Andre signs up for TV job >>
Katie does Ibiza: see the pics >>
More must-see reality TV: our verdict >>

Big bomb dropped on Big Brother

Posted by Dan Curley

Big Brother’s time is almost over. Channel 4 bosses have announced the show will end after Big Brother 11 next year.

Due to an appalling slump in ratings, with less than two million viewers tuning in (to watch a show that once pulled in eight million), TV bigwigs have faced the reality that the fizz has well and truly fuzzed from the Big Brother flute.

An insider told The Sun: “The reality is people are bored with it. Even at Channel 4 the vibe among staff is that if you like Big Brother you’re not cool. If the people commissioning the show don’t think it’s cool, what hope is there?”

There’s a number of reasons being blamed for the ratings rot. This year’s housemates have hardly set the world ablaze and have brought little more than minor tiffs and crap spats of camp bitching to the table. Another nail in the show’s coffin was the dilution imposed on the show following the race row involving the late Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother last year. Housemates are on too short a leash these days and nodding dogs don’t make for explosive telly.

Celebrity Wife Swap, Sunday Channel 4, 8pm

Posted by Jane Murphy

 

It’s five years since former football legend Ron Atkinson suffered a spectacular fall from grace following that shock racist remark on live radio. Since then, he’s been pretty much off-radar - although he’s often been named in the tabloids as a possible contestant on various reality series, such as I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! or Celebrity Big Brother - the go-to shows for out-of-favour stars wanting to win back approval from the public.

But Big Ron’s reality TV moment came instead with last night’s Celebrity Wife Swap. Instead of eating kangaroo testicles, he just had to share his home with Olympic superstar and black role model Tessa Sanderson for a few days - which surely couldn‘t be that difficult. Wife Maggie, meanwhile, was packed off to live with Tessa’s partner, former judo champion Densign White.

Long before the racism row blew up, Ron was already famed for his somewhat “traditional” views about women. Needless to say, this is reflected in his home life: wife Maggie does all the cooking and cleaning, while Ron puts his feet up. So when Tessa made him live by her rules for a couple of days, we got to see Big Ron half-heartedly cleaning the kitchen floor with a pretty pink mop.

However, the focus of the show was very definitely the 2004 race row - even though there seemed to be very little left to say about it. Both Tessa and Densign felt obliged - or, presumably, egged on by producers - to bring the subject up at some point. But they did so in a careful, measured and non-confrontational way - with varying results.

Maggie seemed genuinely enlightened when Densign explained exactly why people were offended when Ron referred to former Chelsea star Marcel Desailly as a “lazy, thick n*****” . Ron, on the other hand, became incredibly defensive and didn’t want to talk about it. “People are fed up with me apologising,” he insisted.

It’s actually hard to know what this programme aimed to achieve. After all, having worked in football for most of his life, Ron’s met plenty of black role models. During his management days, he mentored some of the country’s best young black players. But he still said what he said five years ago - and he doesn’t know why. Maggie doesn’t know either. Nobody does.

Having lived with Big Ron, Tessa claims he’s basically a nice man who should be given a second chance. But if this programme was his second chance, he didn’t exactly grab it with both hands.

What did you think of last night's Celebrity Wife Swap? Tell us here.

Picture: Channel 4

SEE ALSO:
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Big Ron’s back on the box! >>
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