Wuthering Heights, Sunday 9pm, ITV1

Posted by Jane Murphy 

One hour into last night’s opening episode of Wuthering Heights - and there’d still been no lesbian clinches or unnecessary flashes of flesh. Surely some mistake! Largely thanks to the sterling work of screenwriter Andrew Davies, we’ve grown accustomed to seeing classic novels “sexed up” for the small screen over recent years. However, the job of adapting Emily Brontë’s celebrated work fell instead to Peter ‘Desperate Romantics’ Bowker.

Of course, Wuthering Heights didn’t really need sexing up: it’s all about pent-up emotion, tortured souls, passion and revenge. So rather than go down the “t*ts out for the masses” route, Bowker has chosen to stay faithful to the mood of the novel, with an understated, fuss-free screenplay, peppered with spine-tingling gothic elements.

Tom Hardy makes an excellent Heathcliff - mean, moody and ever-so-slightly terrifying. Charlotte Riley is slightly less captivating as Cathy - but then, I think that’s probably how Ms Brontë intended it. And once I’d grown accustomed to seeing Andrew ‘Egg from This Life’ Lincoln playing a middle-aged Victorian man with bushy sideburns, I realised he was perfectly cast as Cathy‘s husband, Edgar Linton.

“Edgar doesn’t utter curses then fall into a brooding silence,” Cathy observed, when explaining why she’d chosen Mr Linton over Heathcliff. Still, we all know Cathy made the wrong choice - and, let’s face it, the whole thing’s going to end in tears.

This is an intelligently written, beautifully shot and utterly gripping adaptation that makes a very welcome addition to ITV’s Bank Holiday schedules (yep, it’s not all about The X Factor, you know). Don’t miss tonight’s concluding episode at 9pm.

What did you think of Wuthering Heights? Tell us here.

Picture: ITV

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The X Factor, Saturday 7pm, ITV1

by Jim Holmes

 

We're only two episodes in to the sixth series of The X Factor, and things are getting weird.

London and Manchester may have impressed last week, but tonight's Birmingham-centric show focused on the real reason to watch the reality show's audition process: the delirious fruitcakes.

Fifty-year-old Brummie Alan kicked off proceedings with an astonishing rendition of Boyzone's 'No Matter What', serving up a valuable lesson for all hopeful auditionees. See, while Alan has his "musical roots in karaoke" and would love to win The X Factor and "do some CDs", he's not going to get a Christmas No.1 if he has to cue himself in by staring intently at his watch for the entire performance.

Next up was unemployed HGV driver Andrew Ellis, who we’re informed takes most of his "inspiration and guidance from angels" - presumably those of dying cats judging by his intriguing vocal performance.

Over in London, leather-clad, wild-eyed Persian Behrouz impressed the live audience with his sheer enthusiasm, but became the first of tonight's many sub-par wannabes that benefited from Cheryl "soft touch" Cole's unflinching positivity.

"I have to admit, it was very entertaining," she said. Simon Cowell, however, shared our main preoccupation: "I think you're barking mad... God, you've got strange eyes."

Next up was 21-year-old Rozelle Phillips, who came all the way from Trinidad and Tobago to belt out a fair rendition of Jennifer Hudson's 'One Night Only' to go through to the bootcamp stage, before the standard inevitably dropped once more.

Clueless duo Lisa and Zoe, collectively known as The Stunners, were at least accurately named - managing to shock the audience into an unprecedented silence with their performance. Simon certainly didn't hold back with his judgement: "I can understand how you two found each other, because it's rare for two people to be so bad. In some ways, that should bring you some comfort." Ouch.

Simon didn't mince his words when beige boyband Priceless took to the stage either, promptly labelling them as having "the charisma of four bananas."

Then, just as it was looking entirely hopeless, three-piece girlband Miss Fitz delivered an intriguing lounge-jazz version of Britney Spear's 2004 hit, 'Toxic'. With artfully crafted harmonies and an already polished image, the trio were the clear highlight of this evening's show.

Ending the night on a high was 33-year-old über-afroed Jamie Archer, who brought the show to a close with a rousing rendition of Kings Of Leon's 'Sex On Fire'. Even the ordinarily stone-faced Simon Cowell couldn't resist singing along, proving beyond any reasonable doubt that Jamie had earned every one of his four yeses and his subsequent place in the next round.

To hear all the tracks from the show as they should have been sung, head over to the Orange Music Store now.

What Katie Did Next, Thursday 9pm, ITV2

Posted by Jane Murphy

At last! If you’ve spent the entire summer wondering what’s become of Katie Price since her shock break-up from Peter Andre, this eye-opening reality series is the answer to your prayers. But assuming you haven’t been on another planet or in a coma for the past three months, chances are you already know what Katie’s been up to - so why bother tuning in?

Well, last night’s opening episode did dish up a few fresh insights into Katie’s life post-Pete. For example, we saw her pay a visit to her publisher to view the final proofs for her new ghost-written style book. “When I look at some of these old pictures, I can see why people call me trash,” she admitted.

And then it was off to Ibiza with a handful of friends for that now-infamous calendar shoot, together with a spot of hard partying, paparazzi-baiting and tattoo removal. On the one hand, of course, Katie was just a single woman letting her hair down after a devastating break-up. But then again, it all seemed a bit desperate, embarrassing and - yes - trashy.

Remember how Pete always said he loved Katie but didn’t like the way she turned into “Jordan” after a couple of drinks? The scenes of her in Ibiza pretty much proved his point. Ignoring her friends’ pleas to slow down, be careful and for-heaven’s-sake-woman-put-your-jubblies-away, Katie/Jordan seemed brash, self-obsessed and out of control.

But, really, I’m sure there is a nice side to her. Probably. There are little hints of it when she’s playing with her three kids - or, as in last night’s show, wandering around her “empty” house, telling us how she’s “moved on from Pete 100%” when it’s blatantly obvious that she’s done no such thing.

Anyway, winning back Pete may now be out of the question - but there are still five more episodes in which Katie can try to win back her public. But will she do it? What do you think?

Picture: ITV

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Big bomb dropped on Big Brother

Posted by Dan Curley

Big Brother’s time is almost over. Channel 4 bosses have announced the show will end after Big Brother 11 next year.

Due to an appalling slump in ratings, with less than two million viewers tuning in (to watch a show that once pulled in eight million), TV bigwigs have faced the reality that the fizz has well and truly fuzzed from the Big Brother flute.

An insider told The Sun: “The reality is people are bored with it. Even at Channel 4 the vibe among staff is that if you like Big Brother you’re not cool. If the people commissioning the show don’t think it’s cool, what hope is there?”

There’s a number of reasons being blamed for the ratings rot. This year’s housemates have hardly set the world ablaze and have brought little more than minor tiffs and crap spats of camp bitching to the table. Another nail in the show’s coffin was the dilution imposed on the show following the race row involving the late Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty on Celebrity Big Brother last year. Housemates are on too short a leash these days and nodding dogs don’t make for explosive telly.

Can You Bank On Me?, Monday 9pm, BBC One

Posted by Stewart Turner

The latest piece of Recession TV to be wrung out of the Beeb’s brainstorming bunker, Can You Bank on Me? last night threw two EVIL, COLD-HEARTED bankers head-first into the rabid jaws of a couple of struggling, credit-crunched companies, offering them redemption if they could turn their fortunes around, as well as the chance for us plebs to have a good old moan at them.

Griselda Anderson-Wheeler – a cocky Sloane Ranger presumably picked because she has the poshest name BBC researchers could find – was sent off to a work in tatty seaside guesthouse in Blackpool, while Amit Patel, an ex-property magnate, fared slightly better with a week-long trip to an struggling organic dairy farm.

Of course, all this was merely an excuse for us to guffaw at poshos having to don an apron and serve up cream of mushroom soup to some Lancastrian pensioners, or tinker with a cow’s udder, and the whole thing was more like the first half-hour of an episode of The Apprentice than any thoughtful look at the effects of the recession.

Caribbean Food Made Easy With Levi Roots, Monday 8.30pm, BBC Two

Posted by Stewart Turner

Ever wondered how Jamaican speed machine Usain Bolt manages to smash world records every time he leaves the house? It’s all down to a magical white substance produced on the plantations of the Caribbean, according to his dad.

But don’t start haranguing the IAAF to give the big man a urine test just yet. We’re talking yams – a powerful performance-enhancing vegetable according to Usain’s dad, who dropped by this new Caribbean cooking show for a spot of lunch.

A scrumptious-looking yam recipe wasn’t the only thing on offer in the opening episode of Levi Roots’ show. Indeed, if you thought the extent of his culinary expertise was getting fearsome dragon Peter Jones all hot under the collar by bottling a gloopy red sauce, last night probably came as a pleasant surprise.

Gunrush, Sunday 9pm, ITV1

Posted by Tom Murphy

ITV's Sunday night dramas have been consistently inconsistent over the past few months, but while Gunrush didn't plumb the depths of Whatever It Takes, it was no Unforgiven either.

As the title suggests, the "ripped from the headlines" drama tackled the subject of inner-city gun crime. Timothy Spall gave a typically compelling performance as Doug Beckett, a mild-mannered driving instructor whose life is torn apart when his daughter Emma (Ruby Thomas) is shot dead by a hoodie ne'er-do-well.

However, this was very much a Middle-Class Nightmare treatment of the subject. Rather than looking at the sources of the problem (the murderer seems to come from a loving home with supportive and concerned parents), it focused on what happens when the nasty shadow of council estate crime falls on to "nice, normal" people.

Indeed, even the incident that sparks the story didn't quite ring true. It seemed that Leo (Jacob Anderson) and his buddy Wesley (Aml Ameen) were the type of gun-toting gangstas who'd happily pay for their purchases in a supermarket, but would turn round and pump bullets into anyone who complains about them pushing into the queue.

The murder drives a wedge between Doug and his wife Jill (Deborah Findlay), and devastates his other daughter to the extent that she can't face to play the cello any more. Deciding he can conduct a better investigation than the police, Doug steals the bullet that killed his daughter and sets about tracing the gun that fired it. He descends into the underworld of the local estate under the guidance of Mr Black-Man-Who-Turned-His-Back-on-Crime (David Harewood) and Mr Shivery-Smackhead (a phoned-in cameo from Paul Kaye).

After a convoluted Wire-lite subplot involving the estate's drug dealers, Doug gets his hands on the gun and feels the same surge of power that drives the estate's criminals to carry weapons – the "gunrush" of the title. However, he can't bring himself to exact the ultimate revenge on his daughter's killer and his accomplice – although the local Mr Big's enforcer has been following them, and kills them instead with an astounding bit of sharpshooting.

With Doug and his wife achieving a sense of closure and reconciliation, the cello-playing status quo is restored on the day of his daughter's funeral. However, we didn't see much of the aftermath of Leo and Wesley's deaths, highlighting where this drama fell short. If TV drama's going to take on big social issues, it needs to commit fully to a thorough examination of the questions raised – particularly as young men like Leo and Wesley remain the most likely victims of gun crime.

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The X Factor, Saturday 7pm, ITV1

Posted by Jim Holmes

The X Factor stormed back onto our screens tonight, bringing with it the usual blend of talented pop hopefuls and delusional wannabes the show has become famous for. Simon Cowell described this year's audition process as "the toughest yet," with auditionees not only vying for validation from the judges - comprised of Simon, Dannii Minogue, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole - but also a large arena audience.

Tonight's heats began in London - opened by Lithuanian sisters The Dream Girls. The blonde part-time models murdered Robbie Williams' 'Angels' to open-mouthed reactions from the judging panel. Even the usually diplomatic Dannii could be seen to mouth the words, "Oh my God," during their off-key wailing.

Simon Cowell later said of the performance: "I don't know what cats being squashed sound like in Lithuania, but now I have a pretty good idea." Louis Walsh agreed, even declaring them to be: "The worst we've ever heard."

19-year-old Luke Bailey's self-proclaimed "rubbish" version of One Republic's 'Apologize' did little to endear himself to the judges before the first success story of the night, 19-year-old Essex-born single mum Stacey Soloman, took to the stage. Her soulful rendition of Louis Armstrong's 'What A Wonderful World' earned four thumbs up and rapturous applause from the crowd.

Over in Manchester, Katie Bullock - dressed in motorbike attire - breezed into the next round after a solid performance of Pixie Lott's 'Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)'. No such luck for chunky hairdressing duo Sister Act, who reduced Mariah Carey's 'Hero' to happy-hour karaoke levels of amateurism.

Next up, Joseph McElderry from South Shields wowed the Manchester audience with his performance of Luther Vandross's 'Dance With My Father'. As the 18-year-old left the stage, Simon Cowell said: "We may just have found ourselves a pop star.Glasgow's 2,500-strong tartan army looked on as 16-year-old Kyle Campbell took time out from blowing kisses to Cheryl to offer his own version of a recent Girls Aloud classic. In the end, the lad skilfully rendered 'Untouchable' completely unlistenable.

The imaginatively named John & Edward scraped through to the boot camp stage with their rendition of Backstreet Boys' 'As Long As You Love Me', despite a damning report from Simon. He told the 17-year-twins from Dublin: "[You are] two of the most annoying people we've ever had on this stage."

The overwhelming success story of the night, however, was 27-year-old Danyl Johnson. The teacher's gospel-tinged rendition of The Beatles' 'With A Little Help From My Friends', not to mention his searing good looks, charmed the judges and the assembled crowd, who even began chanting his name. His performance was so strong in fact, that Simon described it as: "Single-handedly the best first audition I have ever heard." Expect to see more of him as the series progresses.

To hear all the tracks from the show as they should have been sung, head over to the Orange Music Store now.

Benefit Busters, Thursday 9pm, Channel 4

Posted by Will Parkhouse

There was a nice observation on Michael MacIntyre's Comedy Roadshow a few months back: "If you've got a widescreen TV that's too big for your front room, you are working class," joked Welsh comedian Steve Williams, adding to an imaginary friend: "Dave, there's no doubt you've got the best TV on the market – your problem is you haven't worked hard enough to buy the house to go around it… Nobody's house should be 95% plasma."

Last night's Benefit Busters gave us a glimpse of a TV of astronomic proportions and no, it didn't belong to a mega-rich toff. It was sitting in the lounge of single mum and unemployed benefit recipient Dawn, who'd managed to rack up £75,000 in credit card debts since her daughter's birth five years ago. Nice going!

Who Do You Think You Are?, Wednesday 9pm, BBC One

Posted by Will Parkhouse

It's funny how quickly people get forgotten. In what must be a record for Who Do You Think You Are? actor Martin Freeman, aka Tim from The Office, found himself trying to dig up information about his grandfather Leonard, with only his older brother, the unfortunately-named Tim, to help.

Sadly, their father had died when Martin was just 10 and Leonard had been killed 20 years before that during World War II, so information was scant. Tim had heard Leonard, a member of the Royal Army Medical Corps, had been killed while making the tea for his fellow soldiers, while Martin mentioned hearing a rumour that he'd been in the middle of stealing something.