The Apprentice: series five, week 11

Posted by Will Parkhouse

The Apprentice interview round: it's like the worst day of your life, without the good bits. Sir Alan Sugar introduced the five remaining candidates to this week's task by standing on an elevated balcony, glaring down on them pityingly. The message was clear: I am up here, you are down there and even my nasal hair is shot through with hardcore business nous.

Since this was an episode that consisted entirely of talking, we got amazing quotes by the boardroomload. James kicked off, setting the bar high with a piece of imagery that would've had Garbage Pail Kids cartoonists applauding with glee: "The last place I wanna be is in the boardroom with Alan Sugar kicking me so hard up the arse, I've got his toes for teeth."

And so off they went to face Sir Alan's four bloodthirsty henchman. Although what followed was cruelly edited to show the most painful moments of each interview, since the gang made the usual mistake of filling their application forms with swathes of absolute guff, this was perhaps justified.

Lorraine frantically played the intuition card, but after admitting her CV was not dissimilar to "a graveyard of skeletons", it was hard to believe her non-existent additional year of experience was merely a misprint. Yasmina seemed well-liked, but had made a dog's breakfast of her restaurant's account books and got a grilling from Sir Alan's soft-voiced but hard-nosed pal Claude Litner.

Debra, meanwhile, despite the revelation that she's just 23 years old, submitted a series of references consisting of people explaining how unpleasant she was, with one memorably admitting, "People either love her or they hate her – but lots of people hate her." And James's CV described his profession as, "putting a leash on people who spunk money up the wall", adding, "I can bring ignorance to the table." Pulled up on this, he explained, "It's a good ignorance." Uh huh.

Unsurprisingly, Kate came off best, even making the mighty Claude look rather petty when he told her: "You're faultless – and that worries me." Yes, that is very worrying.

Back to the boardroom, then, for what must have been some of the friendliest firings in Apprentice history. Poor old James desperately tried to prove he was a serious prospect rather than the class clown. "You're not reinventing the wheel with me," he said. It was clear he could see a gag looming at the end of the sentence, knew he couldn't help making it and hated himself for it. "You just need to… fix a couple of spokes, maybe," he added, tailing off and wincing. Sir Alan seemed to have become quite fond of him, and turfed him out of the building "with regret".

The four girls returned after a short break to stifle their weeping and, following implications that she was a mind-reading fruitloop, Lorraine was branded "unsuitable" for Sir Alan's organisation. Bye, glasses face. Next, having shaken off accusations that she was a robot sent from the future to destroy the human race, an overjoyed Kate was put through to the final.

"It's a seriously tough decision," said Sir Alan, ramping up the tension to frankly unspeakable levels. But he opted for Debra to go. So close: despite her evil ways, you couldn't help feeling a tiny bit sorry for her.

Right then, the final's on Sunday – Yasmina or Kate to win? Your thoughts, please.

SEE ALSO:
Lorraine, James and Debra speak out >>
Last week's Apprentice: Howard gets fired >>
Howard: 'It's supposed to be about business, not celebrities' >>
Sir Alan: 'The Apprentice? I'd have walked it' >>

Comments

[Sue Fleming]

Just to say I am really enjoying US Apprentice on Monday evenings but why so late? Its a brilliant piece of reality TV compared to some so why not put it on at a reasonable time of say 9pm? I know we have i-player but still it would be nice to view it before hearing 2nd/3rd hand from colleagues and friends.

[sharon]

The apprentice what can i say, Kate should have won she had natural flair for the job, but if there was ever a celebrity apprentive Johnathon Ross should have come second for his split personality and Ruby Wax to be the winner, I can just imagine Sir Alan and Ruby disagreeing in a boardroom! very eventful, she would eat him alive

[Dale]

As a regulat watcher of the Apprentice yas has to win Shes got proven business skills and is the right candidate for the Job!!!
Kate may look the part if it was for Brittish airways as a stewardess then she would win hands down But its for Allan Sugars empire Sweet she may be But its yasmina for me.

[laura]

KATE 2 win, went 2 highschool with Kate and she always won and excelled at everthing without exception! go kate.x

[Diane]

Kate does seem to be too perfect and bland. I think Yasmina is just as good as Kate and seems to have more "edge" to her. I don't understand why Debra isn't in the final - OK she is loud, obnoxious etc but at 23 she can be moulded and has surely already learnt a valuable lesson during the process so far, and she has only worked for 2 years out of uni. She ie excellent at sales and therefore "bringing the money in" - surelyl that's just as important in this time of recession as having entrepeneurial skills and all the rest of it.

[Iain]

Oh Yes ! The girl that does'nt know the what net profit, gross profit and turnover is ! ! ! Sounds to me like her brother runs the business and she hands out the plates.

[Jean]

The contestants need to remember, if you kick people on the way up they will surely kick you on the way down. I think Kate will win!! You go girl!!

[STEVE]

Cannot understand how Yasmina
got through.It was not clear how well her business was actually doing.
First we were told by Claude Litner her business had been going only one year and her profit was not really that good. She did not know what turnover meant or indeed what her actual profit had been.
It left me wondering how much running of the business she actually did. She then told the other contestants how fantastic she had got on in her interview. It gave me the impression she was not a genuine person. Then Alan Sugar was praising her for doing so well with her business. It surprised me as I thought Alan Sugar was an astute person. Kate should walk it.

[Prudence Eely Bond McGuire]

Last night was the first time I have watched this quite nasty, wretched tv 'entertainment'.
The reason being my 34 year old son had control of the remote as usual and insisted on watching it.
All contestants were sullen driven individuals that I would hate to have to spend five minutes with and despite all the kissing and crying were quite scary people.
I am so glad I am old enough to be beyond having to exist in their workplace.
'THE PAST IS A FOREIGN COUNTRY THEY DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY THERE'.

[Linda]

Yes, Kate stands out as the definite winner. So Sir Allan will almost certainly pick Yasmina!

[adrian ford]

I cant believe that any of them made it at all . the only one who is even a little bit good is kate the rest should never even have made it onto the programme . I run my own business and this lot would never survive if they had to run a business for real .

[David]

James was the true star and whilst Kate does have attractive Porn type looks the way she turned on her boyfriend Phillip in the boardroom, showed the person inside the robot.I hope Yasmina wins

[Nigel]

Having Institute of Management qualifications myself, I think that Kate's undoubted 'people skills' will bring out the best in her 'team' and sweep her to victory.

Don't care what anyone says - people don't get to the top by being totally hard-nosed & ruthless (as Deborah has now realised perhaps), they need the support and loyalty of colleagues and associates along the way.

Go on Kate - you can do it!

[Andy]

Kate will probably win but don't remember her taking much risks during the tasks, the only risk she took was getting involved with Philip

go Yasmina

[Phil Martin]

Kate will win,an attractive hard faced corporate animal who will do well ,Yasmina has yet to reassure Siralan that the restaurant will still be in a position to repay her Mum in her absence which is a little moral dilemna which Siralan has already noted....and also,why stop at one eatery if she needs a bigger challenge.

[Alan]

Obviously Kate should win. She's the most balanced, well-adjusted character with just the right amount of natural flair to make her interesting. Oh, and her looks don't go against her either!
With the departure of Debra, she's been 'fitted up' for it.

[Robert Hantke of Castle Hill,Eckington,Sheffield]

James should have stayed,not only is he good but he is a right hunk.A true beefcake..OOOOOOHHHH!

[NICK]

JO BRAND SHOULD WIN !!