The Apprentice: series five, week six

Posted by Jane Murphy

Ever the astute businessman, Sir Alan decided to kill two birds with one stone in this week's challenge. Having cleared out his garage over the weekend, the gnome-faced gazillionaire handed the hapless hopefuls two sets of old tat and gave them just one day to sell it for the highest possible price.

Interchangeable irritants Philip and Ben were appointed team leaders - which at least afforded Ben the ideal opportunity to trot out his old "I won a place at Sandhurst" anecdote again.

"Under those situations where I am under extreme pressure - heavy gunfire, explosions going off around me, people getting injured - that's when I can bring a team together," he bragged, before giving his first order from the frontline. "Get the Yellow Pages out and phone a couple of fishmongers to find out the price for jellied eels," he barked.

Meanwhile, Philip and Lorraine agreed to bury the hatchet after last week's boardroom showdown. Amazingly, the truce lasted a full five minutes before Philip whined: "Heed some of my advice because you're ignoring what I'm saying." Lorraine's crime? Pointing out that a rug could be worth a lot of money - a hunch that later proved to be true, but only after they'd flogged it to a fella in the street for £50.

Still, the pair pulled together to come up with an inspired sales tactic, which will doubtless have left many in the business world open-mouthed with awe. That technique in full? Standing in the middle of a crowded pub and bellowing, "Does anybody want to buy a skeleton?" Amazingly, someone did want to buy it (that's beer goggles for you) - and it was partly this little bit of luck that helped Philip's team win the task with a net loss of £34. Woo-hoo!

Having led his team to a not-so-triumphant overall loss of £169, Ben decided to take nice guy Noorul and Harry H Corbett lookalike James back into the boardroom with him - but then changed his mind and swapped James for Debra instead.

In the final showdown, Debra turned bolshy and got told off by Sir Alan ("Trust me, love - you're not something special"). Then, displaying the kind of Great British backbone that surely won him that place at Sandhurst, Ben became a quivering, jibbering wreck as he begged to be given another chance.

As all around him descended into white noise, Sir Alan finally adopted his "firing face" and sent Noorul packing - presumably for being the least entertaining of the three. So Debra and Ben survive to irritate the hell out of us for at least another week. But surely neither of them can win? Can they?

Picture: BBC

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Watch clips from last night's The Apprentice >>
Have your say: Ad complaints: a lot of hot air?? >>

Ad complaints: a lot of hot air?

Posted by Tom Murphy

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has announced its list of the 10 most complained-about TV advertisements of 2008. At the top of the list is a series of ads produced by children’s charity Barnado’s, to promote awareness of its work to prevent child abuse.

The admittedly distressing spots attracted a total of 840 complaints over their depiction of abuse and drug use, as well as the fact that they might prove upsetting to viewers who had suffered abuse as a child. However, the ASA cleared the ad, saying that its message justified the use of strong imagery.

Next on the list, with 743 complaints, was this Volkswagen Golf ad, featuring a dog who sings happily when he’s in the car but cowers and looks miserable when he isn’t. The complaints ranged from concern about the pooch’s welfare to criticism that it was advocating breaking the Highway Code by having a dog in the front of a car. Once again, none of the complaints were upheld.

In fact, as you move down the ASA’s “top 10”, it becomes apparent that the amount of hot air generated about these ad campaigns translates into very little action. The only ad that left our screens was one for Walkers Crisps, in which a bus had its top deck ripped off while driving under a low bridge. After 130 complaints that it might upset people who had affected by a similar accident, the manufacturer ordered its withdrawal.

Have you ever felt compelled to complain about an ad? Or do you think the complainers should find something more important to worry about before they reach for the Basildon Bond? Just because a number of individuals find something offensive, does it follow that it should be banned or withdrawn? Let us know what you think.

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This week's Apprentice preview

Posted by Tom Murphy

After straining his candidates’ imaginations with a bit of creativity over the past couple of weeks, Srralan’s got them back on safer ground this week, with a good old sell-assorted-tat-to-anyone-who’ll-buy-it task.

Each of the teams is given 10 identical items to sell in a day. And while the collection of goodies might look like a load of old toot, including a medical skeleton, an oriental rug, a box of books and a pair of old shoes, there is – not surprisingly – a twist.

Some of the booty is a lot more valuable than it looks, so the eager little salesfolk will have to sort the diamonds from the dust and make sure they don’t get taken to the cleaner by a sharp buyer who knows more about the goods than they do.

In this clip, Phillip and Lorraine show their razor-sharp business acumen by taking a skeleton to the pub in search of deep-pocketed doctors and nurses. Surprisingly, their adventure works out better than anticipated:

Yikes - was Margaret actually slighly impressed there? I'd love to see how that bloke explains it to his missus when he staggers home with his bony new mate, though. Here's a bit more of this week's show, including an ominous hint of Srralan getting growly:

SEE ALSO:
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'He grovelled at my feet and asked forgiveness' - read our interview with Kimberly
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Hell's Kitchen: The Final, Monday, ITV1

Posted by Liberty Jones

It seems like we've only just sharpened our knives and tied a manky old tea towel round our heads and waddyaknow… it's the final already. From the moment the deeply delicious Marco Pierre White strode into the kitchen looking more suited to frontline duty in Iraq than a TV studio in east London, we've loved every second of this year's Hell’s Kitchen - and last night's final didn't disappoint.

With Danielle Bux – who had somehow found room for the show in her busy schedule of posing in her bikini on the arm of Gary Lineker – dispatched last week, it was left to Dynasty legend Linda Evans to slug it out with comedian Ade Edmondson.

As their penultimate day in Hell's Kitchen dawned, you could be forgiven for thinking Ade and Linda had formed a mutual appreciation society. "To the best chef," Linda said, toasting her rival with orange juice over a full English, lovingly prepared by MPW himself. "To the most beautiful chef," Ade replied, grinning wolfishly.

But the pair quickly discovered their competitive sides when Marco issued the final challenge. Helped by some of their former celebrity colleagues, the finalists were charged with catering for 36 diners apiece during evening service – without any help from their corkscrew-curled mentor.

While Ade immediately took charge of the pass, issuing clear instructions to his helpers Danielle and Niomi, Linda seemed content to let bossy head girl Anthea and the eminently capable Bruce take control. Despite her weak organisational skills, Linda's charm won her plenty of admirers, however – including pint-sized hoofer Wayne Sleep, who declared his allegiance to the veteran actress, despite being served a hunk of lamb so rare it was practically bleating.

Ade's team were the clear winners, scoring nine out of ten from the diners, compared with Linda's more modest seven. But, when it came to the viewer vote, it was Linda who emerged victorious. The Dynasty star might not have been the best cook, but she was certainly a worthy winner. Even the notoriously difficult-to-please Marco had fallen under her spell, telling his protégée: "You're a very graceful lady." We couldn't agree more…

Picture: ITV

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British Academy Television Awards, Sunday 8pm, BBC1

Posted by Jane Murphy

Five minutes into the BBC's coverage of the TV BAFTAs - and it could go either way. National treasures have turned out in their droves. Harry Hill! Ant and Dec! Barbara Windsor! Gary Lineker! David Tennant!

But at first I'm too distracted by host Graham Norton's jacket to pay proper attention to proceedings. "Looking around the room, I can see all the people who've contributed to 12 months of brilliant TV," Graham observes, before adding: "Well, nine months in the case of Jonathan Ross."

From then on, it's pretty much plain sailing. There are very few "tumbleweed" moments, very little gushing and plenty of good old British humour and humility in equal measure.

Among the highlights? Harry Hill picks up the Entertainment Performance gong for the second consecutive year. Peep Show's David Mitchell receives the nod for Comedy Performance and gamely insists on sharing it "metaphorically" with his co-star Robert Webb. And The X Factor claims the Best Entertainment award.

Incidentally, the latter is collected by presenter Dermot O'Leary and various "suits" from the production team. Now, we know Simon Cowell's busy filming American Idol and Cheryl Cole's on tour with Girls Aloud - but surely Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue didn't both have something better to do tonight?

Still, there are plenty more surprises to keep things interesting. Too-cool-for-school teen drama Skins takes on all comers (including Coronation Street and The Apprentice) and wins the Audience Award, voted for by the public.

EastEnders favourite June Brown loses out to Poppy Shakespeare's Anna Maxwell Martin in the Actress category. The IT Crowd grabs the Sitcom BAFTA, ahead of Outnumbered, Peep Show and The Inbetweeners (surely some mistake?). And Sir Alan Sugar goes home empty-handed after The Choir beats The Apprentice to the Feature award. But is he bothered? Er... yes, probably.

The evening ends with Richard Curtis and Dame Helen Mirren both breaking the hitherto strictly-adhered-to "no gushing" rule before presenting Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders with a BAFTA Fellowship. Dawn's husband Lenny Henry looks on proudly from the audience - while Jennifer's other half Adrian Edmondson is somewhere across town engaged in a culinary head-to-head with Linda Evans on Hell's Kitchen. But that's another story...

So what did you think of this year's TV BAFTA choices? Did the right stars and shows win - or was somebody else robbed? Tell us what you think.

Picture: PA

SEE ALSO:
Jonathan Ross misses out on BAFTA >>
The Apprentice: Kimberly gets fired >>
Dot gets chopped from EastEnders >>

The Apprentice: series five, week five

Posted by Stewart Turner

There's a bit of history between the bug-eyed, hungry children of the world and Mr John Harvey Kellogg. For example, at the age of about eight I went through a six-month stint eating carefully disguised clusters of twigs simply because they were plugged by an affable Geordie Olympian named Steve Cram. No matter that I was borderline obese and almost had a coronary just crawling out of bed every morning: by scoffing bowl after bowl of these babies I was convinced I’d become a world-beater. My mum, it has to be said, was less convinced.

With this hard sell in mind, Sir Alan Sugar set his budding Apprentices the task of creating a brand, box and TV ad for the vast vats of Baker’s Complete dog food he picked up cheap from a geezer in Romford a few months back. And in a scene eerily reminiscent of the bit where Dorothy finally gets to meet the Wizard of Oz, or the last time the spooky Face of Boe appeared in Doctor Who, the Amstrad mogul’s Cuprinol-hued bonce was projected onto the giant screen of the IMAX cinema in London, where he put “rough, tough cream puff” Kimberly in charge of Ignite and Kate "All Saints" Walsh in charge of Empire.

Empire, it has to be said, executed an annoyingly decent campaign with their “Treasure Flakes” idea, which boasted Belfast stockbroker Ben’s finest performance to date as “Captain Squawk”, the Reverend Ian Paisley reimagined as a sinister, flapping Sesame Street character. In fact, Ben would do well to keep the bird suit on for the remainder of the series – he’d probably stand a better chance of winning by squawking his way though brainstorming sessions and keeping his highly punchable face covered up.

This week's Apprentice preview

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Last week’s heinous miscarriage of justice saw HR manager Paula on the receiving end of a P45, and as a result, I’m not sure I can bring myself to watch the fifth episode of The Apprentice.

I’m joking of course: only a power cut or the death of a close family member is going to stop me. The latest show sees the ever-shrinking posse trying to market a new healthy cereal for kids – although since last week’s natural beauty products only had to contain one natural ingredient, let’s hope this doesn’t mean the breakfast snacks consist of a slab of sugar with a grape on top.

Anyway, despite Phillip ‘The Power’ Taylor being everyone’s hot favourite to win, he does seem a bit keen on picking fights. Here’s a sneak peek of his latest rumble:

Check out Howard stepping up to keep the peace! That looked like a pretty skilful piece of mediation to me: maybe there’s more to him than initially thought. While we’re pondering that, here’s what else to expect from the full show:

SEE ALSO:
Last week's Apprentice: Paula goes >>
'Oh God, it was awful!' - read our interview with Paula >>
Sir Alan fires Maj >>

Ashes to Ashes, Monday 9pm, BBC1

Posted by Jane Murphy

Before I get down to the nitty-gritty of reviewing the second series of Ashes to Ashes, I'd just like to say what a welcome relief it was to hear Gene Hunt's not-so-dulcet Mancunian tones again after Philip Glenister's best-forgotten US accent from Demons.

Last night's first episode began just as Gene would have liked it: no fuss, no faffing about, just straight down to business immediately. You know the set-up: DI Alex Drake (Keeley Hawes) is still stuck in the early '80s and desperate to get back 'home' to 2008. It's confusing for her. It's confusing for us. And in the meantime, there are crimes to be solved.

Before the opening credits had even rolled, we'd been fed so many conflicting hints and clues about Alex's predicament, it made the average episode of Heroes look relatively straightforward by comparison.

A mystery man lies in a coma in 2008, while a BBC news bulletin in the background reveals Alex has been missing for one hour. Meanwhile, in 1982, Alex is cleaning Gene's cowboy boots after a rather unfortunate incident in a sewer. Then her daughter Molly turns up on TV in Grange Hill and tells headmistress Mrs McClusky: "Tucker said my mum was dead." See what I mean about it being confusing?

Oh yes, and then there was this week's crime plot. A vice cop has been found dead in a strip club - apparently as the result of an auto-erotic strangulation incident. New Detective Superintendent Mackintosh (Roger Allam) wants Gene and his team to uncover the truth and clean up the streets as quickly as possible. "Everything will be black and white from now on," he tells them. But is he all he seems? Is he hell!

The first series took a while to warm up - partly because Life on Mars was such a hard act to follow. But now Ashes to Ashes is unmissable drama in its own right. Rumour has it the series finale is so good, we'll still be talking about it in 20 years' time. But for now we're left to piece together the clues from last night's episode - then work out what was truly significant and what was just a red herring.

What did you think of episode one? Tell us here.

Picture: BBC

SEE ALSO:
Philip Glenister quits Demons >>
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Louis Theroux: A Place for Paedophiles, Sunday 9pm, BBC2

Posted by Stewart Turner

After all those years spent squirming in the spare rooms of Sir Jimmy Savile, Paul Daniels and the Hamiltons, the BBC evidently feels poor Louis Theroux deserved a bit of a break.

For the latest instalment in his gradual reinvention as a Proper Serious Journalist - less eyebrow arching, same interview technique - he was packed off for a week’s holiday on the sunny West Coast of America  to spend time with 800 or so of America’s most notorious sex offenders.

Coalinga, California is the site of a controversial mental hospital for paedophiles, where 800 offenders are locked up indefinitely despite already serving their prison sentences. Eager to quench the placard-waving, “cut off their balls with a rusty penknife”-bellowing public’s demand to keep these people off the streets, the authorities have exploited a legal loophole and reclassified ex-prisoners as mentally ill – in effect giving themselves carte blanche to incarcerate them indefinitely.

Katie and Peter: The Next Chapter Stateside, Thursday 9pm, ITV2

Posted by Jane Murphy

They're back! This fascinating new series sees the notoriously reclusive Katie Price and Peter Andre allow us a rare but revealing glimpse into their lives. Apparently, they've spent the past three months in Los Angeles - although this is really the only kind of thing you'd know if you'd recently picked up a tabloid, turned on the TV or... erm... read Orange's celebrity blog.

Joking aside, the couple's new series does allow us to see what they've been up to from a slightly different angle. For example, whereas we're used to seeing paparazzi shots of the pair going about their daily business while being filmed by a reality TV crew, now we get to see them doing the same stuff but with the paparazzi in the background instead. It's an absolute must-see for the Katie and Peter completist.

Highlights from last night's first episode? In a pre-Hollywood trip to the Daily Mirror's offices, Katie admitted she'd never really been friends with Kerry Katona (although nobody thought to ask her why Kezza had been a bridesmaid at her wedding). And in another poignant confession-to-camera, Peter - kind of - apologised for 'Insania'. What he actually said was: "I think five years is long enough for the public to have forgiven me." Give it another five, Pete - then we'll talk.

As we've come to expect from the "UK's hottest celebrity couple", there was also a hell of a lot of tedious bickering - most notably when Katie accused Pete of having an affair. Her evidence? "He's been going to the gym a lot and he doesn't leave his mobile phone lying around any more." For heaven's sake, woman - that's just insania!

Eventually, the family arrived at their new Malibu mansion, and set about unpacking their 22 suitcases. And then they went to the supermarket, with the paparazzi in tow - so we got lots of fascinating footage of photographers crowding round the doorway to take snaps of Katie eyeing up the cantaloupes. TV doesn't get much better than this!

Ultimately, Katie and Peter's reality show is for diehard fans only - although, that said, they're both still pretty likeable and occasionally very funny (sometimes intentionally, sometimes not). If you couldn't give a monkey's about either of them, however, you can have pretty much the same experience by turning off the TV and listening to your neighbours squabbling instead.

Picture: ITV

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In pics: Katie goes to Hollywood >>
Katie and Peter announce baby plans >>
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