MasterChef: The Final, BBC2, Thursday

Posted by Liberty Jones

It doesn't get tougher than this, as John Torode and Gregg Wallace have repeatedly reminded us for the last eight weeks. We're not talking about rocket science, or open-heart surgery or landmine removal – but the sweaty, steamy, all-male grand final of MasterChef 2009.

We were quivering like a summer fruit jelly as the proceedings got underway – and the contestants were certainly feeling the heat too. "To win I've got to cut my heart out!" (tufty-haired beanpole Andy). "It's do or die today" (tasty civil servant Christopher). "I need to get my head down and knock them out" (beardy forager Mat).

Mat got off to a strong start as he prepared an ambitious combination of venison with wild mushrooms, plum and raspberry sauce and chilli-roasted beetroot from the box of mystery foodstuffs. "There are a lot of ingredients on that plate," Gregg observed astutely (somebody give that man an almond tuile). "It's clever, it tastes lovely and I'm actually quite shocked by it," John added.

The other two finalists performed brilliantly in the next round, which saw them working a hectic lunch service at three of Europe's finest restaurants. Andy's dish of blackened tuna left the kitchen of the three-Michelin-starred Arzak in San Sebastian to a round of applause (always a good sign). Meanwhile, Christopher headed to France, where his oyster porridge was served up to the chef's own father (himself a Michelin-starred cook). "Oui, oui," declared the veteran gastronome, who was clearly a man of few words.

In the third and final round, Mat just had the edge on his rivals, serving rabbit with nettles ("I'm actually quite blown away by it", said Gregg), followed by spider crab thermidor ("My heart's thumping!" – John) and, to finish, lavender mousse ("I would happily have bathed in it" – Gregg).

We were thrilled when Mat was eventually crowned the winner. "I did it! I bloody did!" he declared tearfully, before phoning his equally emotional wife to tell her the good news. Rather endearingly, Mat's ambition is to open a rustic, family-run café, rather than a big flashy restaurant. We've already reserved a table for four…

Picture: BBC

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Actress Wendy Richard dies

The news that actress Wendy Richard today lost her battle with cancer at the age of 65 will come as a tragic loss to thousands of TV fans.

Wendy first shot to fame in the 1970s playing shop assistant Shirley Brahms in the classic sitcom Are You Being Served?. However, she'll will probably be best remembered for playing Walford matriarch Pauline Fowler for 22 years on long-running BBC soap EastEnders, even appearing in the first episode in broadcast back in 1985.

Other notable appearances in Wendy’s long and illustrious career included parts in a couple of Carry On… films, Dad’s Army, Benidorm and Up Pompeii. In 2007, Richard was awarded a Lifetime Achievement gong at the British Soap Awards for her role as Pauline Fowler. She left the soap in 2006 bowing out in a classic EastEnders Christmas plot.

After being told her cancer was terminal, Wendy married her long-term partner John Burns in an emotional ceremony in October last year. She will be sorely missed. Please feel free to leave your tributes to a great British actress here, but first sit back and enjoy one of Wendy's most memorable scenes.

News: Wendy Richard loses battle with cancer >>

Classic Pauline:

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Dancing on Ice, ITV1, Sunday

Posted by Liberty Jones

According to a tabloid report, the other Dancing on Ice contestants have been giving golden boy Ray Quinn the cold shoulder because he's so full of himself. A show insider told The People: "To say that Ray has rubbed a few celebs up the wrong way is an understatement. They feel his dancing ability has given him an unfair advantage from day one. But more importantly they hate the fact that he knows it."

After this week's show, Ray has even more reason than ever to be smug. The X Factor star delivered another breath-taking performance and earned himself 29.5 points out of a possible 30, with only a 5.5 from judge Jason Gardiner spoiling the party.

Next on the leaderboard – though hardly snapping at Ray's heels – were Jessica Taylor and Zoe Salmon, who earned 24.5 and 23.5 respectively. Both girls are improving week by week and Zoe deserves special mention for her stunning black and gold catsuit that doubtless had male viewers' eyes out on stalks.  

Faring less well was comeback queen Melinda Messenger. We felt the judges were a little harsh on the mum-of-three, giving her a miserly 18.5 for a highly entertaining routine, which incorporated a challenging drape lift. "Super presentation," judge Nicky Slater told Melinda. "What's missing is the basic skating."

There's been no love lost between Roxanne Pallett and Jason, but this week the bitchiest judge on the block had a dramatic change of heart. After awarding the young actress a well-deserved 4, he declared he'd been utterly charmed by her performance, which included a second, rather more successful, attempt at the heart-stopping headbanger. Ruthie Henshall was less impressed, however, saying: "I've got to be totally honest – you just don't do it for me." To add insult to injury, she called the Emmerdale babe "Zoe" by mistake.

We were stunned when Jessica found herself in the skate-off with Melinda – and, given the Liberty X singer's technical brilliance, the judges' decision was a foregone conclusion. It seems unfair Melinda got the axe, however, especially in the light of Coleen Nolan's dismal performance. We love daytime diva Coleen as much as the next person, but surely now it's time for her to go.

Picture: ITV

BRITs 2009, Wednesday 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Jon Horsley

What would be the abiding memory of the 2009 BRITs? Would there be a Jarvis Cocker storming the stage? A Chumbawumba assault on a politician? Or a Mick Fleetwood/Sam Fox style farrago?

Well, no. Instead of one special moment of anarchy or embarrassment there was an almost non-stop flow of awkward moments. Nearly every joke from Mathew Horne and James Corden fell flat, including a sexual innuendo by Mathew aimed at co-host Kylie, that was so lame it was taken outside and shot. Not that any of this is a bad thing - the sound of failure is ideal for a live televisual spectacular.

One thing's for sure: the noise jokes make when dying is a lot more pleasant than hearing Fearne Cotton yell her way through a series of interviews so excruciatingly fatuous, she may as well have been replaced by a packet of crisps. The best moment was when she called Duffy “McDuffster” and received an icy cold death stare, showing the definite diva potential inherent in THE MCDUFFSTER. She should let it out more often.

Other enjoyably uncomfortable moments: Elbow offering a drink to recovering alcoholic David Hasselhof, Chris Martin (pictured) failing to hit the high notes and generally flailing around, Iron Maiden accepting an award and reading out their tour dates and Kings Of Leon thanking England, not Britain, at The BRIT Awards.

As for the music, pop won. Girls Aloud fan-dancing, Take That dressed as Clerk Kent aliens and the mighty Pet Shop Boys blew Kings Of Leon, Coldplay and U2 away. Duffy picked up three gongs which, as the announcer rather unfairly said, “puts her on a level with Robbie Williams... and The Darkness”.

But of course, no one gives a BRIT about the actual awards – it’s all about the show. This was a paradox - thoroughly professional and yet also giving the impression of being a total shambles. All in all, pretty good.

BRITs 2009 - see the pictures >>
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Snog, Marry, Avoid?, Monday 8.30pm, BBC3

Posted by Jane Murphy

When Snog, Marry, Avoid? first hit our screens last summer, I wrote it off as an embarrassing mess - and suggested viewers may prefer to stick needles in their eyes rather than tune in. But now the BBC’s top “makeunder” show has had a makeover - and it’s back with a vengeance.

The twist? Well, producers have called on that old tried-and-tested formula of introducing C-list celebrities to the fold. It’s a shrewd move that’s already given the show tons of free publicity: anyone who’s picked up a tabloid or gossip magazine over the past week or so will already have seen those “shocking snaps” of a made-under Jodie Marsh from next week’s programme.

In the meantime, episode one kicked off with Jodie’s former Celebrity Big Brother housemate Chantelle Houghton, a self-confessed make-up addict who claims she couldn’t live without her hair extensions. Since finding fame in 2006, Chantelle’s had breast implants and facial fillers - “just to fill my face out a bit”. (Ah, so that’s what they’re for.) And although she confesses to overdoing it with the fake tan, she insists she’s “golden, not orange”. Hmmm…

After a quick chat with impossible-not-to-like presenter Jenny Frost, Chantelle embarked on her consultation with Pod, the straight-talking "personal overhaul device". Having been told that 85% of men surveyed thought she’d be more likely to steal their wallets than steal their hearts, the horrified Ms Houghton was ordered to tone down her make-up, lose the extensions and… er… wear a woolly hat, in order to look more like The OC’s Rachel Bilson.

Eager-to-please Chantelle claimed to love her makeunder - but several weeks later, she’d lost the hat, regained the extensions and covered herself in slap again. Show over!

Chantelle’s a funny one: she manages to display both extreme vanity and frighteningly low self-esteem at the same time. I can’t help thinking she’d benefit more from talking to a therapist, rather than a faceless computer. Oh well, maybe that’s an idea for BBC3’s next series…

Watch Chantelle's consultation with Pod here:

Picture: Wenn

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The Victorians, BBC1, Sunday 9pm

Posted by Stewart Turner

Hands up who knew the BBC’s resident Rottweiler Jeremy Paxman had a penchant for Victorian art? No, me neither – but sure enough, there was Paxo barging his way into a London art gallery and barking about the way his favourite paintings are “the cinema of their day, recording the best of times and the worst of times”. The scene was fortunately cut dead before an impatient gallery attendant marched sternly into shot and told him in no uncertain terms to keep it down a bit.

The Victorians was an illuminating, entertaining documentary struggling to extricate itself from some whiplash-inducing to-ing and fro-ing between social history and art appreciation. On reflection, Jeremy would probably have been better off having a stab at one or the other, rather than lumping the two together for want of a better unique selling point. The constant cross-referencing of painting and real life was pretty irksome: Paxman talks about the factory, we see a painting of a factory, then he has a look round an old factory. Got the idea?

Dancing on Ice, ITV1, Sunday

Posted by Liberty Jones

It was back to the 80s for the remaining contestants this week. First onto the ice was Roxanne Pallett who, if the judges' scores are anything to go by, is getting worse each week, not better. The Emmerdale star only managed to net 16 points, well down on her personal best of 18.5. During the post mortem, Jason Gardiner showed Roxy no mercy, declaring she had "all the charisma of a cabbage patch doll". Ouch.

Next up was Donal MacIntyre and his partner Florentine Houdiniere, whose hideous pink outfit put us in mind of our nan's knitted doll toilet roll cover. Unlike Roxanne, the undercover reporter is improving week on week. Judge Robin Cousins praised Donal's control during his lift, though Nicky Slater urged him to get in touch with his inner showman.

Despite sustaining a nasty fall during training, pop princess Jessica Taylor pulled it out of the bag yet again, bagging 23.5 points – her best score to date. "The choreography could've been crisper," said Jason. "But apart from that it was a really beautiful programme."

Rugby star Ellery Hanley went for broke with a truly action-packed routine. "That's the back flip, followed by a drop kick and then the death slide," said commentator Tony Gubba, but even he didn't sound that impressed. Nor, it seemed, were the judges who awarded Ellery a modest 15.5. "You remind me of Mr Potato Head," was Jason's predictably bitchy appraisal.

Ray Quinn surpassed himself yet again this week, achieving the highest possible score of 30 for what Robin described as a "flawless" routine. "Watching you is better than eating chocolate fudge cake," Ruthie gushed – and we have to agree. Having already achieved perfection with five weeks of the competition still to go, we can't help wondering where Ray goes from here.

It was third time unlucky for Ellery, as he found himself facing mum-of-three Melinda Messenger in yet another skate-off. Despite winning Nicky's vote of confidence, the man widely acclaimed as the greatest British rugby league player of all time was forced to take an early bath. Goodbye Ellery... you've been a great sport.

Picture: ITV

Who Killed Scarlett?, Channel 4, Thursday

Posted by Liberty Jones

The body of British teenager Scarlett Keeling was found on a beach in Anjuna, a resort on Goa's hippy trail, in February 2008. This moving documentary followed her mother, Fiona MacKeown, over the course of the past year as she tried to discover the truth about how and why her daughter died. It was a bleak and, at times, harrowing journey and you felt every ounce of this indomitable woman's frustration as she fought for justice.

Although the local police originally claimed Scarlett had drowned in the sea – a conclusion apparently confirmed by an autopsy – Fiona had serious doubts. Showing remarkable ingenuity and courage, she smuggled a camera into the morgue and, after distracting staff, set about taking a series of photographs of her daughter's body, which bore more than 50 bruises and abrasions. Armed with this shocking evidence she was able to force the authorities to conduct a second autopsy, which revealed Scarlett had been raped and murdered.

Even more anguish was to come when Fiona found herself facing accusations that her negligence and unconventional lifestyle had somehow contributed to the 15-year-old's fate. Mother to nine children by four different men, Fiona lives in a remote corner of Devon on a smallholding so basic it has no mains electricity, no flushing toilet, no telephone line, not even a kitchen sink. But watching the film, there seemed little doubt her children were happy and loved, despite their lack of material trappings.

Eventually, Fiona did get a step nearer the truth, but what she discovered brought her little comfort. A secret email account, opened just days before her daughter died, gave an insight into just how dark her life had become. In an email to a Spanish friend, Scarlett reveals she went to a rave party where she took drugs, including MDMA, LSD and Ecstasy. She then returned to a beach bar, just yards from where she was found dead later that week, where a group of men attempted to sexually assault her.

As the film drew to a close, Fiona was no closer to finding out who killed her daughter. "I'm happy to admit I made mistakes," she admits. "My biggest regret is letting her go the last time I saw her. I just wish I'd kept hold of her."

Picture: Channel 4

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Dancing on Ice, ITV1, Sunday

Posted by Liberty Jones

More ice was the last thing most of us wanted to see this week, but who could resist the spectacle of Todd Carty disgracing himself yet again? The Grange Hill legend was desperate to get into double figures, but only managed to score 8.5 for his curiously static routine. At least the judges were marginally more complimentary than usual, with Karen insisting she could see an improvement, and Jason grudgingly conceding, "it was endearing".

In a different league altogether was Jessica Taylor, who demonstrated her versatility with a graceful routine evoking the glamour of the 1930s. The long-limbed singer bagged 22 points, a score equalled by Blue Peter's Zoe Salmon, who impressed the judges with three challenging lifts.

One of the weakest performers of the night was Emmerdale starlet Roxanne Pallett, who was nursing a painful ice burn on her shoulder, sustained during the dress rehearsal. Despite being the first of this year's contestants to attempt the notorious headbanger, the actress could only manage a score of 16.5. "Your performance is something I never look forward to," judge Jason Gardiner sniped. "It's like a trip to the dentist." Ouch.

Also struggling was veteran of the skate-off, Melinda Messenger, who never really recovered after stumbling early on in her routine. Nor was rugby star Ellery Hanley on top of his game, netting a disappointing 15 for a 70s-inspired routine which Jason described as a "disco disaster".

There were no such worries for golden boy Ray Quinn, who delivered another jaw-dropping performance, earning himself 26.5 points and top spot on the leaderboard for the fifth week running. Just for once, Jason didn't have a single word of criticism, gushing: "You were brilliant - strong, relaxed, easy on the eye. I loved it."

Tucker's luck finally ran out as Todd found himself facing Ellery in the skate-off. Even before they took to the ice, it was obvious the judges were going to save Ellery. "This wasn't a skate-off," Karen Barber told Todd. "But a chance to enjoy watching you one last time." We couldn't have put it better ourselves.

Picture: ITV

10 Years Younger: The Challenge, Channel 4, Thursday

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Posted by Liberty Jones

The show that attempts to turn back time has had a radical makeover all of its own. Out goes unblinking fembot Nicky Hambleton-Jones and in comes seven-years-younger Myleene Klass (yep, her again). Whereas Nicky's frosty demeanour gave her every utterance an unavoidably vicious edge, touch-feely Myleene had clearly taken a leaf out of rival style guru Gok Wan's book, as she pawed her victims at every opportunity, while gushing about their gorgeous legs/pert bottom/tiny waist. And the new series had another twist, with one subject going under the knife and the other following a surgery-free route.

First up was 50-year-old cleaning company manager Mary, who used to be something of a glamourpuss, but now needed a good scrub herself. A lifetime of regular sunbeds and smoking had left her with the face of a 63-year-old, according to 100 members of the public. We watched through our fingers as a top plastic surgeon set about Mary's face with chisels and sandpaper, before a cosmetic dentist pulled out her manky old teeth and fitted her with a set of shiny new dentures.

Then there was 49-year-old civil servant Kathleen, whose despairing jowls and disenfranchised tablecloth skirts were deemed not-quite-disgusting-enough to warrant an exhaustive programme of surgical reconstruction. Instead, she was treated to an altogether gentler regime of acupuncture, facials and clever makeup.

At the end of it all, the public decreed that Mary's transformation was the most dramatic, knocking a whopping 16 years off her age, while Kathleen came a close second, losing 15 years. Entertaining? Certainly. Empowering? At least one of the women thought so. "I might not be Miss World, but I'm on top of the world!" Kathleen cried. Her husband, meanwhile, had something else on his mind. "I can't wait to get her home," he said, rubbing his hands together gleefully.

Picture: Channel 4