I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Tuesday, ITV1

Isn't this show simply great? Where else would you get invaluable advice on wearing make-up in the jungle, mixed with totally gratuitous glimpses of a celeb's buttocks - and somebody else's hand on them? Channel 4 you say? Oh.

Anyway, the buttocks incident involved Joe Swash and George Takei, who was kind enough to rub some ointment into Joe's, ahem, arse. I use the word on purpose here, as it will return at least twice before the end of the post and might even be indicative of my attitude to a few of the show's contestants.

But first, the Chamber of Horrors. The jungle tasks tend to be either terrifyingly awesome or - like the one last night - a bit on the bland side. Robert Kilroy-Silk went against Joe Swash (yes, again) and both men had to descend into a tank, where they were chained to the floor. Then, racing against the clock, they had to find appropriate padlock keys and release themselves before drowning.

Kilroy-Silk made a complete arse (see, told you!) of himself, by indicating prematurely that his task was finished. Then he humiliated himself even further by insisting that his padlock was faulty. It wasn't. Upon his return to the camp he said that "there was a kind of disappointed and despondent" look on some of his team-mates' faces. You don't say!

Then we had the winner's lovely song. Joe Swash shared his passion for music and footbal chants in particular and was quite keen to teach everyone his favourite lyrics. They went like this:

Ollie, Ollie,Ollie,
Tits in a trolley,
Balls in a biscuit tin,
Sittin' in the grass,
With my finger up my a**e,
Playin' with my ding-a-ling-a-ling

There. Not just arse, the whole lot and a bit besides. I was really hoping to hear more of his favourite songs after this Thursday's John Trevolting task, but, sadly, Robert Kilroy-Silk was instead given yet another chance to make, yes, an arse of himself.

Other highlights from last night: Esther Rantzen having an emotional onscreen breakdown remembering her late husband, Brian Paddick discovering that "there's a potential for fireworks with Robert" (wow, good detective work - you should be a policeman, Brian!) and Dani bitching about Nicola. Miaow! Oh, and there are TWO new celebs heading for the jungle on Thursday!

Hope Joe won't volunteer himself to sing a welcome song.

SEE ALSO:
In pictures: day three in the jungle >>
New camper on the way? >>
I'm a Celebrity... latest >>

Comments

[who]

George and Joe are the two most genuine, funny and interesting characters on the show and on the live feed.

[Hendrix]

Joe Swash is the reason I look forward to this show. He's the only one that makes me laugh out loud.

[whaaaat.]

It's the opposite of crap. It's so hilarious and entertaining.

[Jodie]

This programme is crap.

[Ruth]

I think Simon found his old camp rather boring. All his camp ever did was moan, reflect, talk about feeling depressed and so on. I reckon we will see him liven up more now that the two camps have come together. He will get along like a house on fire with chirpy cheeky chappy Joe and the fantastic George - though who wouldn't get along with "gorgeous George"?

[Diane]

Does Simon Webbe speak? Or is that unfair, perhaps we've just been shown the mouthy ones. But if you go in this programme to resurrect or even create a career there's no point sitting in the background. I thought Martina would be more "hands on". Esther just seems to sit. Anyway, let's see some others do the trials. Nicola is just an airhead bimbo with a nasty streak. The most boring selection of "celebs" so far. The best thing about this programme is Ant and Dec and I never thought I would say that.

[Asil]

nope - it's spelt MEAOW!

[samm]

MEEOWW!(hope thats spelt correctly) ARE YOU A TEACHER OR SOMETHING OR ARE YOU ONE OF THESE TEXTING BOFFS THATS SO IN TUNE WITH THE KIDS.

[a**e]

if you wanna tinkle so BADLY, you could at least spell it right... a**e...

[lara]

badly is spelt with one d

[i wanna tinkle]

I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY
I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY
I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY
I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY
I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY
I WANNA TINKLE SO BADDLY