The Apprentice, Wednesday 9pm, BBC1

Posted by Stewart Turner

Our rating:

LET ME SPEAK… I AM TALKING… I… AM… TALKING.

No, I haven’t finally flipped into the realms of total and utter self-obsession… its just my little impression of The Apprentice’s Jenny Celerier in full flow.

Imagine the most authoritarian, pedantic, bullish schoolteacher you ever had – the one who’d give you 100 lines for breathing and give you an hour-long detention for so much as blinking too loudly. Now multiply it by a thousand, and you’re somewhere close to the delightful Jenny.

Last night’s task saw the teams take control of some industrial laundry equipment and pitch for the unsavoury business of washing the capital’s soiled sheets and yellow-stained underpants. Yum.

The boys, under Raef’s high-class stewardship, took to the task like well-bred ducks to water. “We’re gonna execute this task with vigour,” bellowed Raef, and moments later they were awash in a soap-sudded, homoerotic sea of whooping and high-fives, each and every one of them giving nothing less than 110% at all times.

Army man Simon – who had “some experience of laundry equipment in Bosnia” – sighed wistfully, his eyes all atwinkle, that working under Raef reminded him of the good old days back in the Balkans. Could this be the greatest Apprentice love affair since Katy Hopkins and Paul Callaghan?

The girls, meanwhile, fell apart like an over-boiled pair of Y-fronts. First off, they offered to wash a hotel’s pillowcases for £4.99 each – approximately five times the price of new ones. Then they offered a “24-hour hotline” service. Nice idea, but as Sir Alan pointed out, most people aren’t interested in “progressing their pants” through the night.

Evil Jenny then made Lucinda cry by calling her “a fungus… eating at the positivity of the team”. The resulting sight was a bit like watching a well-to-do 5-year-old being told she can’t have a pony for Christmas. Finally they ended up losing some shirts as a result of the hapless Shazia’s “tracking system”, and begging their customers for tips, just stopping short of grabbing their wallets and helping themselves to credit cards.

The boys, under the stewardship of aristocratic Raef, romped home. After all, with someone as immaculately pressed and coiffured as Raef in charge of a laundry task, how could they fail?

Back in the boardroom, Shazia was well and truly stitched up by team leader Jenny. “I felt as if I had to breast-feed you,” she said, a comment which seemed to make prune-faced Sir Alan almost puke onto his board-room table. It’s probably fair to say she was ultimately sacrificed to keep Jenny in, for the sake of some more brilliant telly – and who can argue with that?

SEE ALSO:
Reject Shazia slams Sir Alan >>
The Apprentice: Worst Decisions Ever >>
Meet the new Apprentices >>

Comments

[Steve]

I can understand why Alan Suger kept Jenny in, the same reason he kept that other b---ch Katie in so long. He is astute enough to realise having someone we love to loath keeps us watching hopeing they will get their comeupance. Shaiza,dont spend to long rueing, a 'wrong' decision, all the best.

[breadandbutter]

Be careful Sir Alan, having this one on your books could cost you a fortune in grievance and tribunal costs.
Human Resources will be kept busy, make sure you extend her 3 month contract, she probably wait 3 months get preggers by a married man then continued salary, and she's ginger.

[John]

Jenny is a selfish b***h. there's always one, and she hasn't even a tenth of the class that katie hopkins has. Shazia was right when she says that if Jenny is the type of person that Sir Alan Sugar wants to employ, then she wouldn't want to work for him. Way to go Shazia. If Jenny continues to behave like she was in the last task, she will end up being a miserable old lonely hasbeen, with no real friends, she will have alienated everyone else!

[Andi]

No way I cannot understand why Alan Sugar kept Jenny in, she is so annoying, get her out please !!!!
She must be there for entertainment value. I would not have her working for me.

[fan]

I though Raef was brilliant. Jenny is a dangerous, self-obsessed evil woman. She's camera-hungry, abusive and very unprofessional. It was a brilliant show nevertheless.

[london]

Forget Jenny and all the other immature girls, the biggest laugh is Raef with his pretences, showing off and looking like a child trying to impresses his boss. Their luck was based on the last week's loss, that is why they were willing to do whatever to do better with the girls. And where have they learned that '110%' makes sense from mathematical point of view??!!!!!