Confessions of a Traffic Warden, Thursday 8pm, Channel 4

Posted by Jane Murphy

Who’d be a traffic warden, eh? You spend your entire working day wandering from one confrontation to the next - while running the risk of being sworn at, spat on, racially abused and physically assaulted. Olly Lambert’s eye-opening documentary brought home the reality of the job as he spent six months filming with wardens in Westminster. 

Responsibility for managing the London council’s multi-million-pound parking enforcement operation has been farmed out to private contractor NSL. Last year alone, the 650-strong workforce issued more than £80m worth of parking fines. Meanwhile, each “civil enforcement officer” earns £7 per hour. Around 90% of recruits are immigrants or foreign nationals - and for many of them, this job is their first taste of Britain.

Much of the programme followed the progress of Durga Pokhrel (above), an eager-to-please, well-educated Anglophile from Nepal, who landed a traineeship from NSL within days of arriving in the UK. Despite the fact that ticket targets were made illegal in 2008, Durga still felt pressure to issue as many fines as possible. All too predictably, he made mistakes and became disillusioned - admitting he felt “ashamed” at his performance.

“To do this job, you have to kill your emotion,” he realised. “I want to empathise. The public misunderstand me.” At the end of the programme, he was given a full-time position. I really hope he later told NSL where to stick their job then ran away to pursue a successful career in academia - but somehow I doubt it…

Overall, this was a thoroughly depressing - although not really that surprising - look at a system that appears to fail both the public and its employees on many levels. But does anybody at Westminster care just so long as the money keeps on rolling in from those fines?

So what did you think of Confessions of a Traffic Warden? Have your say here.

Picture: Channel 4

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The X Factor, Sunday 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Dan Hodgson

Jamie 'Afro' has been voted off The X Factor after losing out to Lloyd Daniels in the sing-off.

This week's show saw Latino beauty Shakira give a sizzling performance of her single 'Did It Again'.  

It also debuted this year's X Factor charity single - a cover of Michael Jackson's 'You Are Not Alone' - in aid of Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital, for which all the original finalist took to the stage adorned in white for a moving rendition. 

Last week saw Simon Cowell go to the public vote rather than vote out controversial twins John and Edward but this time there was no such drama as Lloyd Daniels and Jamie Archer made up the bottom two.

Jamie was first up and he gave an impassioned rendition of Queen's 'The Show Must Go On' whilst Lloyd delivered an accomplished version of Paolo Nutini's 'Last Request'. 

With Simon and Cheryl Cole each voting for their respective artists it was down to Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue to decide who would leave the show. Louis went for Lloyd because he would have the most appeal, while Dannii opted for Jamie saying that he gave the best performance on the night.

Sadly for Jamie the show won't be going on as he left the show after receiving the fewest votes.

Let us know your thoughts on all the acts by posting a comment below.

To hear the tracks as they should have been sung, head to the Orange Music Store now to browse through our huge catalogue of songs.

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The X Factor, Saturday, 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Michael Baggs

Everyone got a little hysterical last weekend when Lucie Jones was eliminated from The X Factor instead of John and Edward. Within minutes of her shock departure, the internet was full of people declaring that they would never watch the show again (they watched) and that the show was a fix (it isn’t).

Jedward bashing has hit the world of celebrity, as this week's show saw clueless Scottish popstar Calvin Harris invade the X Factor stage during John and Edward’s actually-very-good cover of ‘Under Pressure’ by Queen / Vanilla Ice. Hating John and Edward has become a national pastime, but Harris’ ‘hilarious’ attempt to upstage the boys by leaping into the middle of their performance with a pineapple on his head (yes, our sides are splitting) phased the brothers not one bit as they continued their performance. The twins have endured weeks of cruel campaigns online and in the tabloid press but there seems to be nothing that these boys can’t rise above. Their determination and resolve is as steadfast as their trademark quiffs.

However, this week’s show was far from the series’ strongest. Choosing Queen as the band to honour may have seemed like a good idea on paper, but Queen were more than just some blokes with a load of good songs. The true Queen legacy has a good deal to do with Freddie Mercury, and as talented as the contestants are, no one managed to capture the grandeur or brilliance of their chosen tune. Most notably Stacey Solomon, who tackled ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’. While she was the evening’s vocal highlight, giving this track, with the emotional resonance of it being made famous by a man who died from Aids, to a singer who (bless her) is hardly the brightest button in the biscuit tin was an odd move. She was flawless, but it was like giving the Mona Lisa a wipe with a damp cloth - some things you just don’t touch.

Less flawless was Jamie Archer, who, as a ‘rocker’ should have excelled this week. Instead, his ‘Radio GaGa’ was as much fun as radio static. The usually impeccable Olly Murs struggled with ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’, although maybe we can blame that on his broken finger. Lloyd Daniels had one of his strongest weeks so far singing ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’, but was outshone by Joe McElderry’s ‘Somebody to Love’. Little Joe is like a pop relic from a forgotten age of cute popstar boys, like Leon Jackson without the tears or Ray Quinn without being such a nuisance, and as he improves week-by -week, Joe becomes a real contender to win the show. Danyl Johnson closed the show with an oh-so-sincere ‘We Are the Champions’, leaving us slightly glum that nobody had the guts to tackle ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. 

Strictly Come Dancing, Saturday, BBC1

Posted by Liberty Jones

          

It was one of the most dramatic nights we've ever witnessed on Strictly. For starters, Brucie was absent for the first time in the show's five-year history, thanks to a bad case of flu. Instead, Tess was brought out from her usual backstage spot to front the show, and was joined by surprise guest, comedian Ronnie Corbett. Meanwhile, It Takes Two presenter Claudia Winkleman did the honours backstage – and a very good job she did too.

As well as illness, the show was blighted by injury. Jade Johnson was forced to pull out after sustaining a serious knee injury during dress rehearsals.

The long jumper was in tears as she revealed the accident could jeopardise her athletic commitments at the start of the New Year. We sympathise with Jade, but it does seem a tad unfair that she's now automatically through to the next round.

Meanwhile, Footballers' Wives star Laila Rouass had to be carried off stage by partner Anton du Beke midway through their rumba because of a sprained ankle she'd sustained after tripping on the way to her dressing room.

The actress had bravely decided to go ahead with her performance, despite sporting a bandaged lower leg, but the demanding routine proved too much for her.

"What you lacked in technique, you made up for with heart and passion," Alesha told the weepy star. Fellow judge Bruno added: "I know it could have been something really beautiful."

Much to her (and the judges') surprise, Laila was saved by the public vote – despite earning a meagre 22 points for her half-finished routine and ending up bottom of the leader board.

This left EastEnder Ricky Groves and cricketer Phil Tufnell to battle it out in the dance-off. There was one final shock as Phil – who's been by far the better performer throughout the series – stumbled during his routine and was axed by the judges after Len used his deciding vote. What a night, eh?

Picture: BBC

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River Cottage, Thursday 8pm, Channel 4

Posted by Jane Murphy

Say what you like about Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall - but he does pack a lot into each episode of River Cottage. Last night’s series opener saw him visit Gloucestershire’s premiere perry-maker, forage for mushrooms in the woods, cook a campfire lunch for a bunch of tree-planters, free-dive for scallops and squeeze in the obligatory jolly little scene in which he heads off to the abattoir with one of his livestock.

But the strange thing is he never seems to be rushing to squeeze all this in. On the contrary, there are times when the programme almost starts to drag. Yesterday, for example, there was a scene in which we watched him munch his way through a slice of straight-from-the-oven pear cake for what seemed like five minutes. Ah, life is much more laid-back and leisurely down on the farm…

Hugh’s visit to perry-meister Dave Casper certainly did its job because by the end of the segment, I was gagging for a glass of perry simply because they’d made it look so tasty and inviting. To clarify, this is proper perry, made with fresh West Country pears - not to be confused with its dysfunctional relative, processed pear cider (the mere mention of which actually made Hugh gob on the ground).

However, the highlight of the show for me was Hugh’s free-diving lesson, in which he learnt to hold his breath underwater for more than three minutes (don’t try this at home, kids). He then dived down into the sea at Weymouth and produced handfuls of perfect-looking scallops, which looked almost too good to be true. It later transpired they’d been “planted” there by professional divers John and Bryn, just to ensure Hugh would have something nice to cook for their tea. Now, that’s just cheating.

In saying all this, I’m trying to banish from my mind the image of Hugh throwing a two-foot long ox tongue into his offal stew shortly after sending his two-year-old steer to slaughter. I mean, really. Couldn’t he just have baked another nice cake instead?

So what did you think of last night‘s River Cottage? Have your say here.

Picture: Channel 4

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John Sergeant on the Tourist Trail, Tuesday 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Stewart Turner

A stern rap over the knuckles for whoever at ITV failed to notice John Sergeant’s new show was a shoe-in for a Sunday tea-time slot. Aimed squarely at the kind of people who find the Antiques Roadshow a little too racy and Last of the Summer Wine a little too blue, it was the perfect show in front of which to crack open a packet of biscuits and sip a cup of tea.

Affable John, these days known primarily as “a dancing pig in Cuban heels” rather than a respected BBC political journalist, is on a mission to see the country through a fresh pair of eyes. Instead of the usual celebrity jaunt through the rolling countryside, he assured us he’d be setting out to show us Britain as the millions of foreign tourists who visit our fair isle each year see it.

The Execution of Gary Glitter, Monday 9pm, Channel 4

Posted by Tom Murphy

Paedophilia and the death sentence are two subjects that people generally have pretty strong views about. So how did this oddly conceived dramatised imagining of the fictional execution of Paul Francis Gadd (aka Gary Glitter) turn out so utterly unengaging?

For a start, the format of the programme was a bit of a mish-mash. Emphatic title cards told us that “THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION” and “WE ARE IN AN IMAGINARY BRITAIN” where the death penalty was re-introduced after the Soham murders of 2003. However, it then became a mix of conventional drama and documentary-style interviews with the characters involved in the case.

It got even weirder when politician Ann Widdecombe, journalist Miranda Sawyer and media rent-a-gob Garry Bushell turned up to add their tuppenceworth. It only became clear later that they were playing fictional versions of themselves, commenting on the action depicted in the drama.

The X Factor, Sunday 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Rex Miles

Lucie Jones has been eliminated from The X Factor after competing in the bottom two against the controversial John & Edward.

Black Eyed Peas made a guest appearance with an acrobatic performance of ‘Meet Me Halfway’ as Fergie descended from the sky on a moon crescent and Will.i.am flew across the audience.

2006’s X Factor winner Leona Lewis turned multi-platinum also appeared with a beautiful rendition of new single ‘Happy’.

Appealing to the judges, Lucie performed ‘One Moment In Time’ while the twins sang ‘Rock DJ’.

The judges' vote was split, with Louis and Simon voting to save John & Edward, while Dannii and Cheryl voted to save Lucie.

In deadlock for the fourth time this series the final choice was made by the public’s original vote, giving Lucie the boot.

Let us know your thoughts on all the acts by posting a comment below.

To hear the tracks as they should have been sung, head to the Music Store now to browse our huge catalogue of songs.

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The X Factor, Saturday 8pm, ITV1

Posted by Michael Baggs

As themes for X Factor weeks go, ‘movie week’ was as flimsy as one of Dannii Minogue’s gowns, with judges bickering over what counted as a song from a movie and what didn’t. "I don’t know the movie it’s from and you’re cheating again Simon" trilled Louis Walsh after Jamie Archer sang ‘Crying’ from indie-flick Gummo. Not that it mattered, as Jamie was hardly the week’s talking point - other than for people to say it’s probably about time he packed up his gigantic afro and toddled off home.

But if picking a song from a movie about glue sniffing and teenage transvestites wasn’t random enough, Welsh beauty Lucie Jones plucked a track from Disney’s relatively unknown High School Musical knock-off, Camp Rock. Joe McElderry also sang ‘Circle of Life’ from The Lion King and the entire show was dominated by continual references to the contestants' outing to the movie premiere for Disney’s A Christmas Carol. It’s advertising that money just can’t buy - or rather, it’s advertising that only an international behemoth like Disney can buy. All in all, it was less subtle than being repeatedly punched in the face by a man in a 6-foot Mickey Mouse costume screaming: "GO AND SEE THE RUDDY MOVIE."

Now back to the singing. Stacey Solomon’s ‘Son of a Preacher Man’ was as boring as a morning in church and Olly Murs appeared to be morphing into papier-mâché comedian Frank Sidebottom in his ‘Twist And Shout’ routine. Danyl Johnson tried to win over the public with his newly cropped hair in a typically irritating ‘Purple Rain’ performance and poor little Lloyd Daniels continued to flounder with ‘Stand By Me’. Simon and Louis commented that Lloyd was out of his depth - making the music mogul duo the pair of hungry sharks circling the struggling Welsh teenager.

And what of the twins? Having turned being unpopular and rubbish into an art form, John and Edward’s terrible performance of the Ghostbusters theme tune was, as always, the evening’s most entertaining moment. Costumes, ghosts and a giant cardboard car - the only trick they missed was not changing the lyrics to "Who you gonna call? John and Edward!"

This year’s voting trends have been wildly unpredictable, (boo hoo hoo Rachel Adedeji) so anyone could end up in this week’s sing-off, but we’d recommend Jamie, Stacey and Lloyd leave an open suitcase on the bed before Sunday night’s results show.

Strictly Come Dancing, Saturday, BBC1

This weekend’s Strictly Come Dancing came from the home of ballroom dancing, the Blackpool Tower Ballroom – complete with Brucie’s predictably cringe worthy fish’n’chips jokes. But apart from the tiresome one-liners, there were some real highlights, including a Strictly first. More on that in a moment.

Ricky Whittle’s tango kicked the evening off, and the judges got very exited about his performance. Apart from Craig, who, like me thought he was a bit wooden. But each to their own.

Natalie Cassidy’s quickstep displayed a bit more passion that Ricky’s tango and, as she said herself, with Zoe, her close friend gone, she can now start competing. And it would seem she’s improving her score one point at a time.

Jade was described by Alesha as “the dark horse of the competition”, but what everyone really wanted to know was whether Ali had managed to recover from her foot injury. The answer is: yes. Ali and Brian’s performance was described as the dance of the series. The judges were unanimous – it was a success as reflected in the highest score ever on Strictly: four tens! Well done, Ali!

Unfortunately, the good times didn’t last long. Ricky got some harsh comments from the judges for his “entertaining, but disappointing” performance. Leila and Anton divided the judges, and Phil had problems being romantic during his dance (“it’s difficult when everyone is watching”).

Chris and Ola’s foxtrot captured the audience’s imagination, the judges were equally impressed and all that resulted in the third highest score of the evening. But then came another low point - actually it was the lowest point of the evening: Craig, “the local boy” and his flat-footed performance, which only earned him an embarrassing 17 points.

Not surprisingly then, his place in the dance-off was practically guaranteed alongside Ricky and his partner Erin. The judges’ decision was a no-brainer really.

Ricky and Erin are through.

Picture: BBC

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