I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Thursday 8.30pm, ITV1

Posted by Tom Murphy

It always happens – we get down to the last few, and instead of tension, back-biting and tooth-gnashing, we get love, peace and understanding. Rather than a grim ordeal of testicle-munching and exposure to the elements, it turns into the kind of drink-fuelled camping mayhem you enjoyed with your mates when you were 16.

After mourning the expulsion of “ebony Adonis” Simon Webbe - “his buns were very well formed” - George Takei, along with David Van Day, Joe Swash and Martina Navratilova, was summoned for a joint Bushtucker Trial - “Celebrity Cyclone”. The Starfleet veteran performed with distinction, striding into a onslaught from water cannon and a wind machine to lead the team to four-star success.

Joe was still in the grip of a major adrenaline rush by the time they got back to camp, throwing himself frenziedly into another mini-task. Four ice creams had been hidden within the camp, and had to be found and eaten before they melted. While Joe left no shrub unturned to find the final goodie, David showed a lot less enthusiasm, heading instead into the bus to play with his toiletries.

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Thursday 8.30pm, ITV1

Posted by Tom Murphy

It always happens – we get down to the last few, and instead of tension, back-biting and tooth-gnashing, we get love, peace and understanding. Rather than a grim ordeal of testicle-munching and exposure to the elements, it turns into the kind of drink-fuelled camping mayhem you enjoyed with your mates when you were 16.

After mourning the expulsion of “ebony Adonis” Simon Webbe - “his buns were very well formed” - George Takei, along with David Van Day, Joe Swash and Martina Navratilova, was summoned for a joint Bushtucker Trial - “Celebrity Cyclone”. The Starfleet veteran performed with distinction, striding into a onslaught from water cannon and a wind machine to lead the team to four-star success.

Joe was still in the grip of a major adrenaline rush by the time they got back to camp, throwing himself frenziedly into another mini-task. Four ice creams had been hidden within the camp, and had to be found and eaten before they melted. While Joe left no shrub unturned to find the final goodie, David showed a lot less enthusiasm, heading instead into the bus to play with his toiletries.

I'm A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!, Wednesday 8.30pm, ITV1

Posted by Will Parkhouse

"If you do find David Van Day's marbles, pop them in a jiffy bag and send them to I'm A Celebrity..., Australia," pleaded Ant or Dec. It seems unlikely that anyone will be able to produce said marbles in time for Friday's finale, and a good thing it is too, since Digital Versatile Disc, as hardcore fans have christened him, is still tearing this show up, gameplan or not.

The Queen’s Coronation: Behind Palace Doors, Tuesday 9pm, Channel 4

Posted by Stewart Turner
“A modern, dynamic and progressive man of the future with a voracious appetite for science and industry, a consort of the jet age, good looking, with a whiff of modernity.” “A virile man’s man.” Who do you think we’re talking about? Yep, got it in one: gaffe-prone royal buffoon in residence, HRH The Duke of Edinburgh. Yes, honestly. 

Now, if you’re anything like me, the sight of twittering, toffee-nosed quirky jumper-wearer turned Tory MP Gyles Brandreth is enough to send you teetering on the brink of raging insanity. Brandreth’s bad enough as it is, but faced with him wittering on about Prince Phillip in his infuriatingly plummy voice, I was practically rifling through the kitchen drawers for a bread knife with which to slice my own ears off.

Anyway, I managed to calm down a bit, and I’ll admit to being slightly intrigued by this documentary about the run-up to the Queen’s coronation in 1953. It seems the whole thing, as confirmed by the utterances of the various nobs assembled by Channel 4, was a bit of a stand-off between Phillip, who wanted to use the ceremony to rebrand the monarchy as a modern, vital concern, and the dear old Queen Mum, who was still rather taken with the idea that the coronation was more about sprinkling a little holy water over our great nation’s divinely-chosen leader.

How To Look Good Naked, Tuesday, Channel 4

Posted by Liberty Jones

It seems to be the law of the land that Gok Wan can’t be off our screens for more than a week. We’ve barely had time to draw breath since the end of his last small-screen outing, Miss Naked Beauty, and now here he is with a new series of How To Look Good Naked.

Well, we say “new series”… it’s actually what those tricksy TV folk call a “revisit”. So if you’ve got a really good memory, you needed only to watch the last 15 minutes. If, like us, however, you’re more forgetful than Nana Moon (God rest her soul), it all seemed terribly new and exciting.

First port of call was Portsmouth and Helen Thompson. When the over-exuberant Gok first met Helen, her confidence had sunk to an all-time low. A dumpy, short, weary-looking (her words, not ours) frumpy mummy with saggy self-esteen, Helen considered her body so repellent she couldn't even bear to take her kids swimming.

Determined to set Helen on the path to go-girlfriend! fabulousness, the Gokster set light to her collection of greying knickers and posted a giant photo of her, clad only in her underpinnings, in the foyer of the local cinema, before asking startled male passerbys, "Would you like to see her bangers?"

Gradually, Helen grew to love her womanly curves and, after posing for an arty black and white snap in the altogether, she vowed to return to her high-flying career. Did she pull it off? You betcha. Eighteen months later, she was a chic, sexy businesswoman with a new-found confidence.

Having been inundated with job offers following her original appearance on the show, Helen is now hard at work selling franchises. Even more importantly, she's learned to love her body and display her feminine assets without a hint of embarrassment. We know Gok's makeovers are terribly formulaic, but we couldn't help feeling uplifted as the show drew to a close. Roll on next week, repeat or not…

Picture: Channel 4

I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Tuesday, ITV1

So, the nice atmosphere in the camp didn’t last long, did it? The moment Brian Paddick left almost everyone started bitching about him. However, soon the attention turned to David Van Day and his evil ways. More on that later.

First, Joe Swash had to climb a 100ft-tall Tower of Terror as part of his Bushtucker Trial. He had five minutes to collect six stars – not an easy task, but he did it in record time and, more to the point, while wearing a fetching outfit. His tight-fitting blue man-leotard was hilarious on its own, but with a pair of white Y-fronts on top, he looked „like a skinny Smurf”. In his own words.

Meanwhile, David and Simon Webbe were given a very dull Celebrity Chest task, during which they had to dig out some hidden keys to release the chest. While they were busy rooting around, the rest of the campers indulged in a bit of (well-deserved) back-stabbing. At the centre of it all was Mr DVD.

Martina Navratilova thought David should go. Everyone else seemed to support her and Joe, understandably, couldn’t get over the fact that David had tried to use him.

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Monday 8.30pm, ITV1

Posted by Tom Murphy

After hostilities in the camp had been suspended the previous day, even Nicola McLean was looking to increase the peace, accepting David Van Day's olive branch and agreeing at least to tolerate him for the good of the group. As the sun shone down on the camp, they rubbed in each other's sunblock before setting off together on their quest for the Celebrity Chest. And this is where things got really strange...

While David's flirting became a little painful during the task – washing muck off a Land Rover to reveal padlock combinations – it was off-camera that the real drama took place. When they got back to camp, Nicola revealed to the staggered Joe Swash that David has suggested they flirt tactically to gain a bit of airtime and gang up on Joe, who he thought would now probably be the favourite to win.

Joe felt angry and betrayed, and the jovial banter between the erstwhile EastEnder and the former burger-flipper soon began to get a bit of a hard edge. Simon Webbe said his “antennas” had told him all along that David was a wrong 'un, while Joe confessed to the Bush Telegraph that he'd been well and truly “manipulised”.

I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!, Sunday 9pm, ITV1

Posted by Tom Murphy

We're definitely getting to the business end of the series now. Tonight's 90-minute chunk of jungle life included two expulsions, Simon Webbe throwing up and a “penis moustache”.

We picked up from last night's cliffhanger – Timmy Mallett and Brian Paddick going head-to-head for survival in the Last Chance Saloon. The challenge was the now-familiar eating and drinking competition, with survival – and immunity from tomorrow's eviction – for the winner.

After they shared the first two rounds, Brian pulled into a 2-1 lead by polishing off his Penis Colada (Timmy ended up wearing most of his on his face – hence the “penis moustache”), before sealing the victory by getting his laughing gear round a really big worm.

Wallander, Sunday 9pm, BBC1

Posted by Tom Murphy

Our rating:

Sidetracked is the first of three feature-length episodes featuring provincial Swedish detective Kurt Wallander, based on the award-winning novels of Henning Mankell. Kenneth Branagh stars as the world-weary inspector, whose investigation into a series of brutal killings takes him deep into a web of corruption.

The film starts shockingly, as Wallander fails to prevent the suicide of a young woman – something that haunts him for the rest of the story. He is then called upon to investigate the axe murder and partial scalping of a former minister of justice. Before long, a prominent art dealer, a small-time thug and a financial wheeler-dealer are murdered in the same way.

Strictly Come Dancing, Sunday, BBC1

Posted by Liberty Jones

After finding herself in the dance-off two weeks running, Lisa Snowdon came out fighting on Saturday night. Her first dance – a dazzling foxtrot – scored a whopping 39 out of 40, with Len describing her routine as "a smorgasbord of gorgeousness". Later, the model-turned-radio presenter changed into a sassy fringed frock that showed off her endless legs to full effect, and delivered an equally impressive cha cha cha, which secured her position at the top of the leaderboard.

In our view, however, the best single performance of the night was Austin Healey's paso doble. With his freshly waxed chest bared, the former rugby star oozed testosterone from every pore, and by the end of his macho display we were shaken and more than a little stirred.

"I've never seen such a powerful performance in my life," gushed Bruno, while Craig praised the routine for being "arrogant" and "full of attitude". Only curmudgeonly Len remained unmoved, claiming Austin looked like "a Spanish waiter giving out hors d'oeuvres." Ouch.

Pocket princess Rachel Stevens didn't fare quite as well as last week, finishing third on the leaderboard after an effortless waltz and a rather less impressive paso, which saw her losing her balance twice. A flu-stricken Tom Chambers romped home just one point behind her, having drawn criticism from the judges for his sticky-out bottom.

Trailing some way behind the pack was TV presenter Christine Bleakley, so it was no surprise when she ended up in the bottom two. Pitted in the dance-off against Rachel Stevens – who, Strictly fans will recall, scored a perfect 40 last week – she had no chance. Farewell, Christine… we'll miss that mile-wide smile.

Oh, and did anyone notice the expression on Brendan Cole's face when it was announced he and Lisa had got through to next week? Is it just us, or did he look positively disappointed? Roll on the quarter finals…