Good Week: Beyonce, Poppy appeal, Colin Firth, Katie Price

by Greg McDonald

It was a winning week for Beyoncé, as the ‘Single Ladies’ star scooped a hat -trick of gongs at the MTV Europe Music Awards. Collecting her Best Video award, 2009’s Best Female dedicated her success to hubbyie Jay-Z for “putting a ring on it”, and fared rather better than poor Taylor Swift did at the VMAs when you might remember Kanye West making this infamous interruption.

It was a proud week for the Poppy Appeal as the British Legion reported that this year’s campaign is on course to raise a record- breaking amount. And although some – like the donations box thief caught in these shocking images – didn’t seem to have wholly grasped the concept of remembrance, generous Brits were set to give over £31m.

It was a week when Colin Firth’s behind-the-scenes role made a public splash as the laddie of the lake was named Humanitarian of the Year in a glittering Britannia Awards bash. Who’d have thought belly- flopping into a mud puddle with your clothes on could propel a man to such heights? Also honoured was Best Artist Emily Blunt – and there’s really no arguing with this performance from Gideon’s Daughter.

It was a rich week for Katie Price as the It Girl put her recent Bad Weeks behind her with the offer of a cool half a million to return to the I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! jungle -– where you might recall a certain Peter Andre once, ahem, planted the acorn of love which grew into the oak of Katie’s their marriage, only to be chopped down some years later. Yes, it seems Brits want more of Ms Price in our lives – though around the Edenbridge Bonfire they seemed to have fierily different ideas.

Bad Week: Afghanistan, David Cameron, Rafa Benitez, David Nutt

by Greg McDonald

It was another tragic week for the British armed forces in Afghanistan as five British servicemen were murdered by a rogue Afghan policeman. And with polls showing three quarters of Brits now oppose the conflict, and the Prime Minister castigating his allies and countenancing defeat, it was left to the brave widow of repatriated Olaf Schmid to stir British moral courage during a sad seven days.

It was a slippery week for David Cameron as the Conservatives’ “cast- iron guarantee” on an EU referendum was cast out when the Czechs signed up to the Lisbon Treaty. Though iIt proved harder to iron out Cameron’s differences with the French as he was blasted by President Sarkozy and suffered this extraordinarily pitched castrato diatribe from French Europe minister Pierre Lellouche.

It was a sorry week for Liverpool FC manager Rafa Benitez, as his awful season just got worse when Lyon’s Lisandro Lóopez fired a 90th -minute equaliser to effectively dump the Reds out of the Champions League. Still, if not just one but both of your talismanic stars are going to spend a season with their feet up on the operating table, Rafa, it might as well be the one competition where there’s nothing left to play go for but the Fair Play Spoon.

It was a testing week for science as Ggovernment advisor Professor David Nutt was sacked for declaring ecstasy “safer than horse riding”. And as Nutt’s experiment with Alan Johnson’s patience produced these explosive results in the Home Secretary’s interview with Sky, we at GWBW wondered if the Government wouldn’t be better served by employing a more “street” advisor.: As Ali G once said:, “Science – is it good? Or is it whack?”

Good Week: Lily Allen, Liam Gallagher, Sir Ian McKellan, Richard Roden

by Greg McDonald

It was a triumphant week for Lily Allen as the pop big-mouth won Best Song of 2009 at the Q Awards for ‘The Fear’. Here at GWBW we’re so used to Lil biting the hand that feeds her – as in this exchange with Jo Whiley – we weren’t the least surprised that her reaction to becoming one of Britain’s biggest stars this year was to declare she’s quitting music for good.

It was a supersonic week for Liam Gallagher as the Mancunian rock'n'roll star bandied around the idea that he can’t wait to start a new group in the wake of brother Noel quitting Oasis in August. “We’ll see where it goes, it might be s*** but you don’t know until you try,” Liam said, although the last decade of Oasis’s output might give the lie to that statement.

The genesis of a new church of thought or the exodus of respect for tradition? In perhaps the oddest story of the last seven days there was Good News for Sir Ian McKellen, with the revelation that the stage legend, who has been tearing homophobic extracts from Leviticus out of hotel Bibles, has won a flock of disciples who have begun to follow his lead.

It was a happy old week for 71-year-old Richard Roden, as Britain’s busiest septuagenarian celebrated the birth of twins with his 25-year-old wife and 10 children. Mind you, the Walsall welder is little more than a spring chicken to 112-year-old Somalian Casanova, Ahmed Muhamed Dhore, who this week said he wants a fourteenth child with his 17-year-old bride.

Bad Week: Tony McNulty, Jimmy Carr, Andre Agassi, Miley Cyrus

by Greg McDonald

It was a funny week for Jimmy Carr as a joke about military amputees incurred the wrath of Britain’s tabloid press – though it seemed eight out of 10 squaddies preferred the gag to the hysteria around it, and the military itself had no skirmish with Carr. We don’t recommend picking a fight with Jimmy either – as this heckler discovered.

It was an expensive week for Tony McNulty as the Labour MP repaid £13,000 of public money and apologised to the Commons for claiming £60,000 worth of second home allowance on his parents’ house. And we thought McNulty’s resolute defence of Jacqui Smith’s dodgy dealings on Question Time earlier this year was made out of valorous loyalty!

It was a week of shame for Andre Agassi as the tennis legend admitted lying about his use of crystal meth back in 1997. The eight-time grand slam winner described with extraordinary candour how he snorted some. then “eased back on the couch and considered the Rubicon I'd just crossed". Here’s how we prefer to remember Andre – playing the greatest shot ever back in 1995.

It was the worst week for Miley Cyrus as The Artist Formerly Known as Hannah Montana was voted Worst Celebrity Influence by the very teen fans who once looked up to her. According to experts in the field, Miley's fall from grace is all down to her pole dancing at the Teen Choice Awards. Just remember, Miley – life ain't about what’s at the summit, it's all about the climb.

Good Week: Cheryl Cole, Jenson Button, Sir Salman Rushdie, Darren Bent

by Greg McDonald

It was an on-song week for Cheryl Cole as the L’Oreal model faced the music and danced with a live (well, mimed) X Factor performance which sent new single 'Fight For This Love' straight to the top of the charts. It was the moment the lil star from this first audition came of age – and here at GWBW we're not impressed by the haters claiming Cheryl’s debut was a rip-off of this Kelis song – aside from them being exactly the same song there’s barely any similarity.

It was a winning week for Jenson Button, who claimed the Formula 1 world crown with an intelligent drive to fifth place in Brazil that showed he had the brains as well as the Braun to be a worthy champion. Though not everyone was convinced – and Stirling Moss meanly suggested Button doesn’t even belong in the top four drivers in the world.

Book a room! Yes, love was in the air again this week for Sir Salman Rushdie, as the 62-year-old knight in shining amour stepped out with a woman 36 years his junior in New York. Chinese/Hungarian Harvard grad Min Lieskovsky boasts of having "dated six of the world's top models, as ranked by Models.com". Who said romance was dead?

It was a beach of a week for Darren Bent as the Sunderland striker condemned Liverpool to a one-nil defeat with the most bizarre goal in the Premier League’s history, scoring off a beach ball, and further tormenting Reds fans next morning by provocatively twittering: “Morning peeps. Might go to the beach today.” Though at least in this Tweet Bent resisted swearing at his own chairman.

Bad Week: Nick Griffin, Jan Moir, Katie Price, giant seagull

by Greg McDonald

It was a bruising week for BNP leader Nick Griffin, as Britain’s military leaders turned their fire on him and his appearance on Question Time turned out to be an hour-long barrage of outrage. The West London audience pressured the MEP into making some comically inept defences of his past, not least when, sitting next to black American Bonnie Greer, he defended a Ku Klux Klan leader as “almost non-violent”.

And Griffin wasn’t the only hate-monger reaping what he sowed this week, as newspaper columnist Jan Moir’s article claiming Boyzone star Stephen Gately’s death somehow called civil partnerships into question provoked 25,000 complaints. Furious ripostes came from Derren Brown, Stephen Fry and Gately’s record label, while the Irish Daily Mail disowned her.

It was a bad week for Katie Price as the conclusion of her divorce from Peter Andre brought no end to the public mud slinging. And as even mild-mannered Phillip Schofield was driven to accuse Katie of “point scoring” and then slate her on Twitter, following a GMTV interview in which she called herself a “binge-drinker”, you had to wonder whether there was anything Jordan wouldn’t do to draw attention to herself.

Finally, it was a bizarre week for Australian newsreader Peter Hitchener as he became an online sensation when a giant seagull appeared to stroll past him during a live bulletin. Hitchener’s unflappable “show must go on” professionalism was top drawer – though still not as impressive as that of Eva Nazemson, who continued presenting this Swedish quiz show through a bout of projectile vomiting.

Good Week: David Beckham, Supercop, Sir Paul McCartney, Maradona

by Greg McDonald

It was a winning week for David Beckham, as Goldenballs was named Man of the Match in England's triumphant World Cup Qualifier against Belarus – despite only spending half an hour on the field. And although Belarus boss Bernd Stange was sufficiently impressed to tip England to win the World Cup next summer, a few vintage Becks free kicks like this one four years ago in Germany wouldn’t have gone amiss.

It was a proud week for "Supercop" Ali Livingstone, as the Suffolk Police officer was revealed as Britain's most prolific bobby, notching up more than a thousand arrests in the last 18 months – compared to a national average of 14. The busy sergeant attributes his record to getting out on the beat – here at GWBW, where our grasp of rural policing is wholly derived from Hot Fuzz, we’re just stunned that there were a thousand criminals in Ipswich to nick.

It was a good week for Sir Paul McCartney as he was named Songwriter of The Year at the 29th Annual Ascap Awards, an event which also honoured Coldplay for Song of the Year 'Viva la Vida' and Phil Collins for gorilla-drumming masterpiece 'In the Air Tonight'. In honour of Sir Paul here’s a McCartney classic from the band the Beatles could have been, Wings.

David Beckham wasn’t the only veteran playmaker happy to be eyeing a place in the South Africa World Cup dugout this week, as Argentina boss Diego Maradona couldn’t hide his relief when a late winner from substitute Mario Bolatti snatched victory over Uruguay. And whatever cause the English may have to dislike Maradona, admit it – the World Cup wouldn’t be the same without him.

Bad Week: Robbie Williams, Vogue, Leona Lewis, Stephen Gately

by Greg McDonald

Picture it: after three years out of the spotlight you’re back on screen, and 10 million viewers have tuned in to The X Factor to see it; the giant video screen relays your achievements; the crowd goes wild; the music starts; and… the 30ft robotic aluminium doors won’t open! At least, that was Robbie Williams’ excuse for a disastrous week which saw fans comparing his wide-eyed X Factor appearance to a Government drug-driving ad, and his comeback single limp to No.2, way behind Alex Burke.

Another week, another international race row. This time, step forward French Vogue magazine, whose editor Carine Roitfeld this week saw fit to print these shots of white Dutch supermodel Lara Stone blacked up – and SOS Racisme, which was quick to take the fashion bible to task.

It was a bruising week for Leona Lewis as the X Factor star was punched in the face at a book signing session, in an attack which put the 'Bleeding Love' singer in Harley Street Hospital. Alexandra Burke may be top of the charts, but of all the reality TV hopefuls who've gone on to success here at GWBW Leona's still our No.1 – get well soon.

Finally, it was a tragic week for friends and family of Stephen Gately as the Boyzone singer passed away at his home in Majorca with husband Andrew, aged just 33. Devastated at their loss, the four surviving members of Boyzone will carry the coffin of their “friend and brother” at his funeral. In tribute to Stephen, here he is singing 'Bright Eyes'.

Good Week: Jay Z, Boris, Julie Walters, Sir Mick Jagger

by Greg McDonald

Raekwon wuz robbed! It was a cool week for Jay-Z, as the MC was named the best rapper alive in an MTV poll. And it's not been a bad year for the ‘Run This Town’ star, for whom an 11th No.1 US album recently topped Elvis Presley’s 10 – though if you think Jay will ever be cooler than the King, ask yourself if the best rapper alive could get away with wearing this.

It was a memorable week for Boris Johnson, as the London Mayor turned the tables on Newsnight presenter Jeremy Paxman, talking direct to camera in an unforgettable fashion. Johnson's directness, some couldn't help but notice, was in stark contrast with the approach a certain David Cameron had taken on Europe – and perhaps, whispered the likes of Michael Portillo, that was no accident.

It was a proud week for Julie Walters as the Harry Potter actress led a Brit-dominated field in the International Emmy Awards nominations. Walters' powerful performance in A Short Stay In Switzerland certainly gets our vote for Best Actress – though we still reckon she’ll never top this comic turn in Acorn Antiques: The Musical.

It was a boss week for Sir Mick Jagger as rumours flew that the Rolling Stones had finally been invited to headline Glastonbury Festival, with bookies slashing odds that Mick, Keef, Ronnie and Charlie will top the bill next summer. Though if Mick thinks he’ll rule the Avalon Stage, no sweat, he might want to check out this video of a steaming Bruce Springsteen at this year's event.

Bad Week: Strictly, Chris Grayling, Alex Ferguson, yob

by Greg McDonald

It was a strictly out-of-step week for Strictly Come Dancing, as the BBC's flagship show provoked fury when it emerged that dancer Anton Du Beke had used the racist term "Paki" to describe partner Laila Rouass – and Bruce Forsyth did Du Beke few favours when he stepped in to, er, diffuse things. But if you thought Britain's talent shows were troubled by racist controversies, you won't believe this Australian clip.

Oops! It was an almighty blooper of a week for Shadow Home Secretary Chris Grayling as he told live Tory Conference TV cameras the appointment of General Sir Richard Dannet to his own cabinet was “a gimmick”. As gaffes go it wasn’t quite Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi calling Barack Obama “some tanned guy”, but Grayling somehow wasn’t the toast of Manchester this week.

It was a weary week for Sir Alex Ferguson, as the Manchester United boss's attack on referee Alan Wiley's match fitness left many wondering whether it wasn't the Scot who was unfit to be in his job. Of course, as those who recall this famous Kevin Keegan rant will know, it’s not the first time Fergie’s mind games have made him enemies.

And finally, here at GWBW we would never condone violence of any kind, but this CCTV footage of Swansea yob Dean Gardner attacking a group of transvestites in the street – only to discover they’re professional cage fighters on a stag night and be floored by an uppercut from a six-foot stunna in stockings and a little black dress – challenged even our pacifism.