Caption competition: Russian giant

by Simon Glover

We asked what was being said as 7ft 2ins Nikolai Valuev exchanged words with his cornerman during his world heavyweight title fight with David Haye? 

Winner

"You're in luck - he's not allowed to hit below the belt"
Rob Falconer

Runners-up

"You really want to change places?"
Deb, Hastings

"Let me at 'em Uncle Scooby"
Ady, Hawridge

"How dare you be little me!"
Amy

Click here to see previous winners

Comments

[Valérie Ganne]

Well, I think the main thing to watch out for are his teeth

[Valérie Ganne]

Look, you're a big boy now - does your mother have to stitch your name on your shorts?

[Valérie Ganne]

And you'd better keep your head down like that, or else the photographer will have to go and sit at the back of the hall

[Rob Falconer]

And, for God's sake, don't try thinking

[Rob Falconer]

And, if you win this, you'll have enough money to upgrade your Smart car

[Rob Falconer]

I don't know why you think you need your name on your shorts - everyone's going to know which one you are

[Rob Falconer]

Don't worry - he'll feel inferior the minute he sees the length of your shorts

[Mike]

Cornerman:"This is no time to be suffering with altitude sickness"

[Rob from Redhill]

Trainer: Why are you the 'Beast from the east?"
Nikolai: Because "the crusher from Russia" was already taken.

[Paul Booth]

Cornerman: "He's running rings around you, you might as well hit the hay"

[Paul Booth]

Cornerman: "Now who's too big for their boots!"

[Paul Booth]

Cornerman: "One ring to conquer all, my precious!"

[Paul Booth]

Cornerman: "Lose this and there's no more cross-dressing for you my man!"
Nikolai: "Is that a promise?"

[Andy]

Oh, While your'e down there!

[Rob from Redhill]

Valuev though he'd misheard when he was told to "push Hayes hard around the ring."

[Anthony Turner]

have you let one go valuev because the guy behind you has just collapsed?

[zebedee]

look! do what i told you,stand up straight he won't be able to reach to hit you if you pull your shorts well up he will have to go and get the corner stool to stand on. kick it out from under him and claim a t.k.o.

[2PiesMash&Liquor]

No Nikolai, I am not taking half pay for half size

[Ollie]

Listen Valuev I'm the zebra and your the giraffe

[laslo]

Errr ...... apparently they will be allowing blows below the belt in this bout.....

[laslo]

Do you suffer from lack of oxygen at your altitude?

[mammas boy]

Your mamma said that one day you would have to stand up for yourself.

[old salt]

One more smart crack like that valuev,and i will drop you son.

[Rob Falconer]

Sorry if the shorts are a bit small - I used the tarpaulin I usually cover my car with

[Valérie Ganne]

That's it, Nikolai, look down - it's the only way you're going to find where Haye is

[Valérie Ganne]

And if you forget which side youre fighting on, don't worry - I put your name on your belt

[Valérie Ganne]

Cutting your stomach? Well, I did tell you not to buy those cheap Tesco Value belts.

[Rob Falconer]

You're in luck - he's not allowed to hit below the belt

[Rob Falconer]

Maybe being sponsored by Tesco Value wasn't such a good idea ...