Caption competition: Boris and Kelly

by Simon Glover

We asked what was being said as London Mayor Boris Johnson and actress Kelly Brook launched the Skyride mass participation bike ride round the capital.

Winner

"Being this unfit has its perks, the view from back here is amazing"
Dave, NE

Runners-up

"If your chain snaps, I've got a spare"
Riz Swansea
    
"Is that ET in your basket or are you just pleased to see me?"
Rachel, Epsom

Boris: "I hope you have paid the congestion charge!?"
Kelly: "You'll have to catch me first!"
Mike, Co Durham

Click here to see previous winners

Comments

[John Smith]

"when i said a meet with chris hoy...this wasnt really what i had in mind"

[Rob Pendragon]

Boris’ aim is to reduce harmful emissions, cut down on congestion, and increase business for the local A&E

[Valérie Falconer]

Boris finally realises why Kelly insisted on the bike with the basket in front

[Valérie Falconer]

Although cycling means a reduction in car exhaust emissions, it does mean a huge increase in the harmful gases produced by cyclists breaking wind

[Valérie Falconer]

In retrospect, Boris realises it was a mistake to let Kelly loose on her bicycle on the M4

[Rob of Wales]

After the photo-shoot, Boris got back into his stretch 4x4 and drove home

[Rob of Wales]

Boris begins to wish he had made it a nude cycling event

[Rob of Wales]

Tandem? I didn’t know you spoke Latin, Kelly.

[daz owen]

"Shall we see if two jags wants to join us on our cycle ride boris ?"

[Linda]

Ok Kelly, we need to speed up a tad now "auld gal", the car is only 3 streets away and the damned photographers are still in view!

[daz owen]

oooh ! chase me boris

[Tim]

I say, what a cracking bit of totty. Come here, let me introduce you to Little Boris.

[2PiesMash&Liquor]

Kelly and Boris try out New Labours money saving initiative of "Plain Clothes Community Policing"

[anne murphy-spence]

i didnt mean the bikes Kelly when i said i fancied a ride!

[2PiesMash&Liquor]

Never mind the pedestrians, they've got the road to walk in !!

[doppelganger]

Boris's offer of a shot on his old chopper, had Kelly peddling like fury for the cobbles.

[Woodenose]

Boris. Would you like to front my next campagin.

[Okinbanson]

In front of every successful man...is a beautiful woman.

[Euan]

do you know your about to run over the photographer

[JanePerry]

'Give me back my linen basket you perverse little cow'

[Robert Sams]

That's David Cameron's bike - give it back right now!

[doc46]

sing kelly sing I WANT TO RIDE MY BYCYCLE

[doc46]

kelly ? do you think i could get a congestion charge for these bikes

[Tony]

Boris: Go on Kelly you can ride on the road - the air bags will save you!

[steve vizard]

oh boris its so much better with the saddle off.

[David]

Oh Kelly "you look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made for two"

[Bonkers]

Boris wanted to ride the old bike in front of him. But she sped off too quickly.

[Brian]

Boris:As this is sponsored by Sky, I suggest we do 300 circuits, and hopefully we,ll find one that,s interesting.

[dave]

Boris. Im out of breath just staring at your ars..pose i better stop talking now!

[Brian]

Kelly:I,ve got a great Lord Mayor in my basket. Boris: Ah...Livingstone, I presume.

[Brian]

Kelly:Its OK Boris. I know your head won,t fit in that helmet so I,ve got one in the front of my bike that should just fit.

[Mark Brierley]

gee " thats the first ride i've had all week"

[Daz owen]

Kelly: "Sooty, get back in the basket !"

[Brian]

Kelly: Gosh. I,ve got a basket in front of me, and a basket case behind me.

[Ray]

Is the basket to support your breasts Kelly?

[Michael]

A complete airhead who certainly lacks the intellect to mix with Britains elite politicians. And now he gets to meet Kelly Brook.

[shaz branke]

"sigh,when I die im coming back as your bike seat"

[pauline]

Cummon Kel, let's do that scene from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Raindrops keep fallin' on my head...la la la la

[phoebe]

Kelly had a little bike, she rode it on the grass, and every time the wheels went round the spokes went up her ***.

[willie]

Boris. I wish my bike was built for two

[rubber jonny]

sorry boris im over 16!!!!!

[Harvey Room]

Ding Dong Kelly,Ding Dong.

[peter]

From the look on your face Kelly that saddle's reaching the parts that other saddles don't reach!

[rob lee]

let me see your puppies

[rob lee]

do you have something tasty in your basket for a hungry boris

[rob]

Kelly this is'nt what i meant when i said fancy a ride

[kev]

Kelly, thats some pair of apples you've got there! In the basket I meant.

[thebuul]

Now thats a well used saddle on that bike what what.

[db]

good grief - its one of those girlie people thingy's

[pauline]

Boris was disappointed when Kelly turned down an offer to ride on his crossbar.

[Kathy]

I got an idea, I hold your flowing locks and you pull baby.

[Craig Millward]

Gosh Kelly, were you eating Brussel sprouts last night or baked beans?

[Dick Woodhead]

She's veering to the left. Boris would much rather she moved to the right.

[phoebe]

I'm not after just your Hovis loaf Kelly.

[Tom Watts]

Boris rein-acts a scene from Wallace and Grommit as he attempts to save the 'Bake O Lite Girl'

[Jeffrey Samuel]

Boris: I've never come this way before Kelly!
Kelly: It must be the bumpy ride Boris!

[Claire Embleton]

Its funny-Kelly was just telling me, that she was nicknamed 'the bike' at school.

[Tara]

Boris: *Sigh* I wish my hair would fly in the wind like that.

[Ciara]

Boris: Now i can join in with all the cool kids on my BMX!

[Lesley]

The last one to Trafalgar Square is a blonde

[lesley]

I wanted the one with the basket

[phoebe]

Honestly Kelly, it is just a puncture repair kit in my pocket!

[phoebe]

Replacements for Howard and Marina in Last of the Summer Wine have been found.

[Daz owen]

If my wife spots me im a dead man !

[Daz owen]

Wwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!

[gws]

These days Boris found it hard to keep up and often felt a little behind.

[Lynn Rodford]

Kelly: Does my bum look big on this?

[Sue]

Go away Boris You are not ringing my bell!

[Daz owen]

The last time my bum felt this sore was during the expenses scandel

[mick]

Boris:Are you cycling at the moment Kelly !

[Daz owen]

last one to trafalgar square is a silly old mare !

[Daz owen]

are we there yet ?

[Slow down , im not as young as i used to be ,the last bike i rode was a penny farthing !]

would you like to put your helmet in my basket moris

[2PiesMash&Liquor]

This wasn't quite the ride Boris has expected when asked by Kelly

[2PiesMash&Liquor]

Boris hadn't quite got the hang of a cycling helmet, but it did cover his excitement nicely

[Robin Hill]

I'm starting to like those flexi-busts now....

[charles]

looking good from my view, point of.

[dazowen]

How come she gets the bike with the basket ? i could of done with that to put my expenses forms in !

[Daz owen]

Slow down ,im not as young as i used to be. The last bike i rode was a penny farthing

[Stuart]

Boris keep your eyes fixed to the road and away from my derriere.

[mark]

No show for Londoners to see large silly basket on bike.

[Malcolm]

"OK, make it fifty quid, Kelly. My last offer. That is a lot of money just for a bicycle saddle."

[Rob of Wales]

After the photo-shoot, Boris got back into his stretch 4x4 and drove home

[Valérie Falconer]

In retrospect, Boris realises it was a mistake to let Kelly loose on her bicycle on the M4

[Valérie Falconer]

Although cycling means a reduction in car exhaust emissions, it does mean a huge increase in the harmful gases produced by cyclists breaking wind

[Rob Pendragon]

Boris’ aim is to reduce harmful emissions, cut down on congestion, and increase business for the local A&E

[Rob Pendragon]

Boris finally realises why Kelly insisted on the bike with the panier in front

[Rob of Wales]

Boris begins to wish he had made it a nude cycling event

[Rob of Wales]

Tandem? I didn’t know you spoke Latin, Kelly.