Doner = Immobile

By Alan Tyers

You gotta love a publicly funded organisation. A brilliant piece of research has emerged from the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services. They have discovered that… doner kebabs are unhealthy.
Those crazy kids at the Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services! Some of the finest minds in Britain.

Anyway, “officers” from 76 councils sampled no fewer than 494 Phil Babbs, the greedy pigs, and found that the average doner contains 1,000 calories.

They also – and you may find this hard to believe – contained like a ton of salt and saturated fat.

The kebabs, not the health inspectors.

What does this elaborate, not to say exhaustive, research project prove? Well, one thing for sure: if you want something done right, don’t get local government to do it. The bungling health police checked the calories in kebabs WITHOUT salad and sauce.

And, as everyone knows, salad is extremely dangerous and should be avoided at all costs. Seriously: who gets a kebab without salad and sauce? Probably someone who has got another 493 to get through, I guess. But come on. If you’re going to do stupid research, at least do it right.

Can there be a person in Britain who thinks that doner kebabs are not bad for them? They should have saved the survey money and got some chips as well.

Comments

[et al]

Now isn't this just the sort of weather where we should be taking on all those calories just to keep warm?

[JR]

If you can say 'Local authority coordinators of regulatory services.. there is no way you would be eating a kebab anyway. They are eaten primarily by people on their way home from the pub. Sober people have more sense!This nanny state is driving me insane. It's a wonder that we've all made it to be the age we are, when we all have the common sense and IQ of an amoeba.

[Jesse]

Self-indulgence won't be half as much fun as it used to be now that I really, really know that it contains all those finger licking good calories.

Shame on you Local Authority Coordinators of Regulatory Services for apoiling my kebab.

My only hope is that you were all sick all over the place.

[Ha Ha Ha]

Fantastic use of public money. I thought my nightly kebab was a healthy low-cal snack but I have been put right on that.
Could they possibly turn their attention to my regular lunch of chicken korma pilau rice and peshwari nan, as I am slightly worried this may not be the healthy option I had always imagined.. or my brakfast of sweet and sour pork balls with chicken chow mein and a side order of a family sized block of cadburys dairy milk?
Any dietry advice would be gratefully received.

[big john]

Surely if you want to eat healthy all the time then dont eat takeaways, all takeaway food has bad elements, the answer is all things in moderation surely

[et al]

The lengths that some people go to to eat junk food for free is unbelievable.

[Equilibrium]

That's why sober people never eat them.