Polarity hilarity

By Greg McDonald

Headlines are negative. Growth is negative. Outlook for growth or headlines becoming positive is negative. At conference Gordon Brown, considered too negative and needing to find a positive, sounds a negative tone. For the Tories, the effect of Brown’s double negative approach is overwhelmingly negative.

David Cameron responds by getting negative, but with no positive result. The negative public mood impacts negatively on negative spending, which impacts negatively on the negative public mood. If there’s one thing showing positive signs, it’s negativity.

Oh, and Peter Mandelson’s back.

But friends, despair ye not, for negativity is just positivity turned on its head. Don’t believe me? Just open your eyes and see the positives in Britain’s national negatives.

The dollar’s loss of global hegemony means a Florida sun-break will soon cost less than a week in Bognor, while sterling’s inevitable subsequent dive will bring wealthy Beijing gap-year students flooding to the London Olympics to see what life’s like in the newly developing world.

And while our football managers, cricket captains and tennis hopes never fail to fail, at least these days it means we get to see Brazilians, South Africans and Scots losing.

Thankfully, on the world stage things are just as bad: in just three months George W Bush will be gone forever, while pudgy saviour of the starving Bono’s new album of Joshua Tree soundalikes has been put back because it’s too rubbish to release.

But if you’re really spooked by all this financial gloom, maybe there’s something you’re forgetting. Anyone remember global warming? The world’s due to end in a few years, which rather negates the need to fret about the future. In short, we’ve never had it so good, having it so bad.

Oh, and Peter Mandelson’s back.

Comments

[PRAVDA]

I was sent the headline from Saturday's Morning Star by email, and it seems the commies have got it right about Mandelson:

Rat Joins Sinking Ship!

[JR]

Do you honestly expect people to respond to this blog?
Write something worthy of comment then. Stupid man.

[Andy]

Right enough, bad times are great times for the scribblers and doom-laden newsreaders. They're never happier than when peddling poison.

As for Mandy, his reappearance reminds me of a scene I saw in a wildlife documentary - an elephant dying in the bush ... and a vulture waiting to make its move.

[Peter]

Orange would be better paying somebody to sort out it's connectivity and service speed than paying people to write this cr*p. The service has been rubbish all weekend and not much better today. £18 a month for this? I think I'll be off to Sky. Their service in getting hooked up is rubbish as well but at least it works when you've finally got it.

[Equilibrium]

Is there a point to this rambling b*ll*cks ?- Negative.
Am I sure ? - Positive.