by Greg McDonald

It was a rich week for Jenson Button as the 2009 F1 World Champion shocked the motor racing world by leaving the Brawn team which turned his career around for a dream pairing with 2008 World Champion and fellow Brit Lewis Hamilton. Some accused Button of chasing the money, but you couldn’t question the courage of a man willing to go head to head with a rival most consider a better driver.

It was a fated week for Herman van Rompuy, as the little known Prime Minister of Belgium won a place in the history books as the first President of Europe, an appointment which means a certain Tony Blair will have to content himself with bringing peace to the Middle East. Blair’s failed bid made for a very good week for another unknown too, paving the way for Baroness Ashton to become EU High Representative.

It was a handy week for Thierry Henry, as the French striker’s controversial assist palmed off the Republic of Ireland’s World Cup hopes during a performance that suggested the va-va-voom of France’s 1998 world-beating side is long gone. More sickening still for the Irish was that Henry had the Gaul to fess up immediately after the game – which was more than he managed the last time he cheated a more deserving side.

It was the week when Sarah Palin’s book tour proved so popular that commentators began to talk seriously about electing President Palin in 2012. But not all Americans were convinced that the former Vice Presidential candidate, who called Britain’s NHS “evil” and famously wasn’t sure what the Vice President did, would make a good leader of the free world.

by Greg McDonald

It was the week when Kate Moss found herself thin on support, as furious eating disorder campaigners like rival model Katie Green slammed her for turning young women into anorexics after she told a fashion website that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. Evidently Kate’s never had one of these 13-stone beef burgers – though frankly she could do with a couple.

It was a car crash of a week for Harriet Harman, as Labour’s deputy leader discovered she will face a prosecution which could hit hopes of making her occasional appearances at Prime Minister’s Questions a more regular event after the next election. Harman’s boss wasn’t having a much better time of it either, as the last Queen’s Speech of this Parliament drew fire from opponents over a failure to legislate on expenses corruption.

Remember 2007? Good Week was always full of economic prosperity, and even Bad Week was glamorous good fun, dominated as it was by Amy Winehouse’s thrills and spills. Well, the ‘Rehab’ singer’s fortunes were back to black this week as father Mitch embarrassingly revealed that Amy was in hospital after her new boobs sprung a leak – something he could surely have kept closer to his chest.

Finally, it was a sad week for friends and family of Edward Woodward, as the Wicker Man star passed away aged 75 following a battle with pneumonia. Here’s the veteran actor’s friend Anthony Valentine paying tribute to “dangerous” Ted – and here’s Woodward on song with Morecombe and Wise.

by Greg McDonald

Health and safety officials are right to block Mariah Carey’s demands for 20 white kittens and 100 white doves when she turns on a London shopping centre’s Christmas lights. Animals are sentient creatures, not toys, and our society must stop abusing them.

When it comes to treating animals ethically, Britain is some way ahead of the Far East, where “delicacies” like the still-wriggling, still-suffering live fish meal in today’s headlines still prevail.

Yet modern Britain has not travelled this far from its cock-fighting, bear-baiting past without brave legislators having the courage to lead public attitudes to the treatment of animals.

It’s essential that today’s law-makers continue their forebears’ good work by outlawing cruel practices. Yet tragically next year precisely the opposite may happen - for Mariah Carey is not the only photogenic star whose entourage threatens Britain’s animals.

Hug-a-hoodie image or no, David Cameron plans to overturn the fox hunting ban, and Brits proud to be a nation of animal lovers must not allow the seal of approval to be returned to this most revolting symbol of cruelty.

Officials are right to place animal welfare before Mariah Carey’s vanity - we must be equally firm in refusing to tolerate the abuse of any sentient creature.

by Simon Glover

What's being said as Rolf Harris, Status Quo's Rick Parfitt, and Wayne Morris film the video for their new single Christmas In The Sun? 

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by Alan Tyers

My favourite ongoing news story at the moment is that of the court case involving the squillionaire financier who is being sued for discrimination by a disgruntled former employee.

Jordan Wimmer, you may recall, claims that her mega-rich hedge fund boss Mark Lowe humiliated her by turning up to business events accompanied by scantily dressed hookers.

The case has now moved on with the news that Ms Wimmer is upset that he made a “dumb blonde” joke in a round-robin email. Even worse, she was suffering from depression at the time.

Mr Lowe doesn’t really seem like the sort of bloke a gal would be dying to take home to mum - and, judging from his picture, he might be well advised to keep his comments about other people’s appearance to a minimum.

But Ms Wimmer, for her part, sounds like she might be on shaky ground. How can you work in an environment like private equity - where short-term, aggressive, uncaring machismo is the name of the game - and not expect a bit of rough and tumble?

In an ideal word, we’d all treat our co-workers with respect and kindness at all times. But that’s a pipe dream, especially in a job that involves seeing the naked face of capitalism right up close and personal.

Jordan Wimmer joined Mark Lowe’s company in 2004 on a £50,000 salary; within four years she was making the best part of 600 grand a year. For that sort of money - and incredible salary increase - she should have been able to put up with a bit of argy-bargy.

by Alan Tyers

It’s all hands to the pump for Gordon Brown as he attempts to save his sinking ship. Yesterday, we learned details of the forthcoming Queen’s Speech - a set of deliberately political, populist measures including putting the boot into bankers, snuggling up to the elderly, getting tough on knife crime and, for all we know, free jam for every reader and death squads for paedos.

Today, Brown is further playing to the gallery by suggesting that we might get the hell out of Afghanistan - something that the British public are polling very strongly in favour of.

It’s funny, now that this Government is in (presumably terminal) decline, it’s suddenly all about listening to what the punters want.

With British soldiers now dying in a hail of media attention, the PM reckons we should consider “a security handover” to the Afghans - i.e. sneak out of there as discretely as possible.

It was probably a bad idea to go to war there in the first place, but we decided to, and then we decided to stay. The situation does not appear to be getting any more, erm, secure - so why is it suddenly a good idea to get out?

There can be only one logical answer: Labour needs some quick political wins. What else can we expect between now and the general election? Anything populist and headline-grabbing, no matter the long-term implications, is my guess.

by Greg McDonald

Shame on Victoria Beckham for using her children as photo-op props - but shame on the public, too, for failing to shun child exploitation in all its forms and instead allowing children to be children.

Victoria’s willingness to thrust oldest son Brooklyn into the destructive public spotlight, with his first “public charity engagement” and gossip magazine cover splash, is deplorable, whatever spurious platitudes she may spout about children inspiring hope, promise and so on.

But sadly the Beckhams are far from alone. From Madonna’s latest designer adoption to exploitative TV circuses like Britain’s Got Talent humiliating minors in acts like Stavros Flatley, the public is happy to acquiesce in turning vulnerable children into freak show entertainment.

But while it may ever have been thus - from Britain’s freakiest show, the Royal family, downwards - it shouldn’t be. Children, as Gordon Brown noted in a thinly-veiled Conference speech attack on David Cameron’s willingness to put his own kids in front of the cameras, “are not props, they’re people”.

In wider society, children have never been materially better off, but in many ways the modern childhood experience of TV screens and Tesco Christmases is an impoverished thing.

If Victoria Beckham truly believes “every child deserves an equal start”, her charity ought to begin at home - with a press release telling the media her kids are off-limits. Children do not exist to be exploited, but to be children.

by Greg McDonald

Despite appearances to the contrary it was a good week for Simon Cowell. The X Factor mogul’s Jedwardgate U-turn may have made him UK public enemy No.1 and sparked 3,000 complaints from outraged viewers, but there was no doubt whose TV show everyone was talking about in the hairdresser’s. And over in America, in the week Cowell was revealed as US TV’s biggest earner, even David Beckham seemed to have got himself the Jedward hairdo.

It was an emotional week for Robbie Williams as the star “teared up” while granting fans their wish of fifteen 15 years and taking the stage with Take That. So is the famous feud between Robbie and band ringmaster Gary Barlow’s famous feud finally over? Or does Robbie’s decision to run away and rejoin the TT Circus have more to do with his latest comeback taking a fall from the high -wire? And is he really back for good?

It was a towering week for David Haye as the British boxer became WBA World Heavyweight Champion after going the distance in a David and Goliath bout with Russian giant Nikolai Valuev – and immediately lined up a verbal slingshot at his rival heavyweight champs the Klitschko brothers. It was the most exciting moment in British heavyweight boxing since Lennox Lewis knocked out Mike Tyson – more of Iron Mike later.

It was a sparkling week for cricket fans as a review recommended that the Ashes be returned to its former status as one of Britain’s sporting “Crown Jewels” alongside home Wworld Ccup football qualifiers and Wimbledon. Some claimed the loss of TV revenue would hurt the game, but surely making scenes like these from England’s winning 2005 and 2009 Ashes available for all to see had to be in the sport’s long- term interests?

by Greg McDonald

It was an ugly week for the leaders of both of Britain’s major political parties as partisan national newspapers stepped up their personal attacks six months short of a general election. First up the Tory-supporting Sun attacked Gordon Brown’s letter of condolence to the mother of lost soldier Jamie Janes, leaving the PM “mortified”, but leading many, including Jamie’s uncle, to questioned the paper’s own integrity.

And if Brown was mortified, David Cameron can’t have felt much better this week as the Labour- supporting Mirror hit back by exposing the Tory leader arriving at Westminster Abbey’s Rememberance Service half an hour early – for some choreographed close- ups with his personal photographer. Ugly stuff, British politics – but we’ve still got nothing on the Americans.

It was a blow of a week for the man they once called Iron Mike Tyson, as the former boxing champion was arrested for punching a photographer in LA. Given Tyson’s public fall from grace – taking in everything from sexual assault to biting off Evander Holyfield’s ear and bankruptcy – in the interests of balance here’s a clip of Mike becoming the youngest ever heavyweight world champion.

Finally, it was another bad week for Bad Week favourite Nick Griffin as his best efforts to present the caring face of race-hatred were somewhat undermined by BNP publicity director Mark Collett’s creation of an anti-Muslim spoof Pac Man game. We look forward to Nick’s efforts to deny the game ever existed when he’s back doing his best impression of David Brent on Question Time.

by Greg McDonald

While the Prime Minister should have gone further in today’s landmark immigration speech and capped Britain’s population at 65 million, we should not confuse a balanced migration policy with racism.

Gordon Brown’s pledge that Britain’s population will not be allowed to exceed 70 million by 2029 is long overdue. But it at least breaks fundamentally with the sleepwalking policy of an out-of-touch political elite - typified by Home Secretary Alan Johnson’s infamously drowsy nights spent dreaming of the arrival of Britain’s 65 millionth citizen.

The balanced migration argument is not about ethnicity but numbers. Simply, most Britons believe our overcrowded island doesn’t have the space to build another Birmingham.

The solution? Britain should adopt a one-in-one-out balanced migration policy of the kind long supported by Conservative MP Nicholas Soames and Labour’s Frank Field, co-chairmen of the Cross Party Group for Balanced Migration.

But as the Government finally joins the immigration debate, the rest of us should be crystal clear that - however racist elements like the BNP seek to exploit our fear of change to stir up division and hatred - the issues of immigration and racism are wholly separate.

Britain’s 61 million citizens are richer for our cultural and human diversity, our tolerance and our pluralism. We just don’t have the room for another nine million people.