Pick at the pops
You know how every party you didn't get invited to was obviously terrible? On an entirely unrelated note, Tom Meighan from hilariously outmoded baggy/dance crossover clowns Kasabian has been slagging off this year's Glastonbury Festival: “I thought Glastonbury was rubbish this year... I think people are lying again to cover it up like it was a success and it wasn't, it was really poor.” You should've played, Tom. You guys would've fitted in nicely with the Scouting For Girls/Pigeon Detectives/Zutons horrorfest on Sunday afternoon.
Speaking of horrorfests, it's emerged that Michael Jackson will be collaborating with New Kids On The Block on their embarrassing comeback album. Says the way-too-old Donnie Wahlberg: “It's very exciting. It's one big party and everyone wants to join us.” Jacko probably just liked the name.
And while we're all feeling a bit awkward, news leaked last week that Britney Spears would be putting in a guest video appearance at increasingly irrelevant “Queen of Pop” Madonna's forthcoming shows. Britters will appear, disguised in a hoodie, on the big screen where she'll be – oh no – kicking and smacking elevator walls while the audience sighs and pops out for a drin... sorry, while the audience wonders, “Just who is that masked woman? I haven't read a newspaper in months.” The Spears then rips back the hood to hiss, “It's Britney, b****!” It'd probably be easier if we all just end it now.
Bit of light relief to close. Here's the pep talk solar-bonced uber-producer Brian Eno gave Coldplay before they started recording the massive-selling Viva La Vida album together: “Your songs are too long, you're too repetitive and your lyrics aren't good enough.” Harsh. Ah, but who's laughing now, Bri? All of us, actually.
Is Eno right? Does Britney's gatecrashing sound disastrous? Have your say below.
Posted by Matthew Horton
Picture: PA Photos
Posted by: who cares they all get mega money for it | 14 July 2008 at 17:12
Being a Coldplay fan, I beieve that KG is right, because Coldplay are still producing the goods. John certainly has a GOOD point and Sean needs his bum felt!!
Posted by: Dai | 14 July 2008 at 16:39
coldplay are ok, britney is a nut job, madonna is too old to be stripping off on stage and rock and metal SUCK!! in my school only me and my best friend like pop/RnB, and everyone else likes rock and metal. And yes John, i totally agree with you!
Posted by: zoe | 14 July 2008 at 16:29
coldplay are crap
Posted by: sean | 14 July 2008 at 16:14
Aye, long live metal that's where the real talent is.
Posted by: Jordan | 14 July 2008 at 16:10
they all stink, brit has gone, madonna is a sad old gran, long live rock and metal
Posted by: neil | 14 July 2008 at 15:43
personally I think they are all overpaid ,overated self opinionated bores !
Posted by: john | 14 July 2008 at 14:07
I was having a lovely day, KG, and now you've gone and ruined it.
Posted by: Rockman Rock | 14 July 2008 at 13:20
To be honest I really couldn't care less! Kasabian haven't come up with the goods lately, Britney is just insane and we all know that, no matter what, Coldplay will go on forever recording albumns that sell.
Posted by: KG | 14 July 2008 at 13:05