Ulrika wins Celebrity Big Brother 2009

Posted by Dan Curley

Ulrika Jonsson has won this year’s Celebrity Big Brother, beating runner-up Terry Christian to the finish line by turning into a real life shooting star.

Prior to Davina announcing who’d won, the tension was clearly taking its toll on Davina as she started wobbling around on buckled legs like she was about to have a stroke (she is knocking on a bit now). The crowd outside was chanting “Terry! Terry! Terry!”, which only left both housemates even more stunned to hear Davina scream “Ulrika!”

When asked why he called all phone voters “thick”, his excuse was fair play: “I’d had a few sherbets!” Davina wasted no time in belittling the former The Word presenter, reminding him and the audience that he “used” to be big in TV but all's good as he's a radio gig going for himself nowadays. Awwww.

Good luck Terry – we’ve a feeling someone as charismatic, natural and funny in front of the cameras has got a lot more TV time still to come.

Ulrika seemed in high spirits: “It was the weirdest experience in my entire life” was how she described earning £175k (allegedly) for spending three weeks locked up with a load of Z-Listers, has-beens and never-wasses.

When asked what her favourite experience was, she clumsily responded: “Oh gosh… I think my singing with Verne was probably my highlight, because he’s such a perfectionist and he was so determined to get it right and I realised we clearly weren’t going to get it completely right.”

So that’s it for another year. CBB 2009 had a few moments, but overall it was a dull series that had less pulse and life than Big Brother zombie mash up Dead Set… What's your verdict?

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Ben booted, Verne ‘victed

Posted by Dan Curley

Ben Adams, the dullest housemate in Celebrity Big Brother history has finally been booted into oblivion and, as expected, when hearing his name screeched out his face was as blank and lifeless as a corpse.

After giving the four surviving contestants a quick, emotionless hug, he walked into a wave of boos from the blood-thirsty savages gathered outside the house. That someone so vacuous could have come fifth in what’s essentially a popularity contest just about beggars belief, and if this plank is expecting a TV career from this he’s going to be very disappointed (unless it's as a regional newsreader).

For once, Davina had to earn her crust to draw entertainment from an interview that was as flat as an ironing board. The ever inquisitive Dav’ pressed him on ‘Benchell’, asking him bluntly: “Do you fancy her?” to which he replied: “she’s a lovely girl.”

Then came the biggest shock of the entire series as the housemate who’s come fourth is read out – Verne!

“Winner! Winner! Winner!” shouted the crowds, clearly not realising that he hadn’t in fact won.

Surprisingly short with his answers, Davina seemed at a loss with his five word replies. Hoping for a long, insightful chat about him trying to tap off with La Toya, all she got was “It’s private - in my mind.” When shown his drunk driving debauchery, he managed to fill maybe a second of airtime with: “Just having fun!”

With Terry, Coolio and Ulrika left, Coolio looked gutted to hear his name in third place, leaving the winner-wannabe wearing a shineless bronze medal. Composing himself and making sure he looked smart, he was ready to walk out to meet the crowds, only to be told he has to wait another half hour before leaving the house

We’ll be back in a short while, after we find out who’s won between the saucy Swede Ulrika and the mouthy Mank Terry…

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La Toya and Tommy get the boot

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Well, Barack Obama promised change, and it looks like he's already halfway there. "I'm a changed person," said an overwhelmed and emotional Coolio on the highlights show. Big Brother, you see, had made history – history, I tell you! – by granting the housemates a glimpse of outside events in the form of a screening of the new President's inauguration ceremony. Coolio was in tears: were we seeing a softer side to the notoriously abrasive rapper?

But there were even bigger changes to come, what with this being the last eviction before Friday's final. It was a double whammy, with La Toya and Tommy the ones kissing the Diary Room goodbye and braving the braying booers.

The ethereal La Toya floated out, in that wonderfully polite and Zen-like way the Jacksons have. There wasn't much booing for her – well, that would've been like kicking a kitten, wouldn't it? Not that the Big Brother lynch mob would be particularly averse to kicking kittens if they'd caught them bitching behind other housemates' backs.

Back to the real world for her, then – or not, as the case may be. Tommy had predicted her exit, having previously confided to Ben – in a rather cocky manner, we thought – that he thought she'd go because of her love of early nights. It was true, but for someone who clearly spends much of her time on another planet, La Toya has been surprisingly willing to muck in, with the tasks particularly. She's the second member of the Jackson clan who has used this show to charm the UK – anyone want to see if Tito's up for CBB 2010?

Tommy looked pretty gutted as he left, and more than a little deflated by the crowd's less than positive reception – although he later told Davina he was glad to go, a politician's answer if ever we heard one. Bonus points for admitting his motives were entirely financial, though. And on the plus side, his appearance has been many times less embarrassing than that of CBB's previous Scottish socialist contestant, George Galloway.

Ben, Ulrika, Coolio, Terry and the mighty Verne remain. Um, second place is wide open!

'Chelle we go?

Posted by Jon Horsley

 

Cruelty, thy name is Big Brother. Tonight you surprised Michelle Heaton by kicking her out, reduced La Toya to tears by feeding her chilli during a task - and made Davina pretend she was happy to stand in the cold for a surprise eviction. In the end, Michelle’s departure from the house was surprising only in that enough people remembered who she was to vote her off.

She walked out of the house to a precisely equal number of boos and cheers, proving that she really is the modal average celebrity reality-show contestant. A distant pop career, propensity to cry, fading sex appeal, positive thinking and irritating amounts of self-regard are the attributes that get her work – but fail to lodge her in our minds.

After being confronted by footage of everyone in the house saying she loved Ben. Michelle attempted to hit out at Coolio, Tommy and Terry: "Everyone says things about me and Ben," she moaned, "but they were the ones you could imagine having threesomes." But it failed to really ring true. There was no controversy to be had, hard as Davina tried.

Michelle explained that Coolio got on her nerves "but there was probably a different side to him", skirted close to the edge by saying that she’d been herself in the house and pushed boundaries by revealing that "nothing had gone on between her and Ben. We just clicked personality-wise". She adored Verne, thought La Toya was sweet and believed Terry "knew ever such a lot". And then she left and everyone forgot about her.

Now Michelle’s gone, the game is really underway. All you can vote for, from here on in, is the winner. And there are so many questions to be answered. This year's CBB is Verne’s to lose, isn’t it? Has Ulrika got a secret plan? Does Coolio have a different side? Who was that girl who just got evicted? The list goes on...

Home Malone

Posted by Dan Curley

   

Democracy picked up its massive trumpet and bellowed loud and clear: "No more Tina Malone!" The gobby Scouser has been booted well and truly out of the Celebrity Big Brother house and joins last Friday's evictee Lucy Pinder in the reject bin.

So why did she prove so unpopular? Was it the fact that when she spoke, the words came out of her mouth with all the grace and elegance of toxic sewage gurgling up through a grid? Or was it because she'd bite her toenails in public as casually as most people chew gum? Could it have been her nightmarish diatribe about how she'd like to lose a few pounds off her most private of parts? Or maybe she lost what fans she had because the last series of Shameless was so sodding atrocious.

Either way, a prolonged "Yeeessssss!" suggested Tina’s "not arsed” about being given the old heave-ho. The surviving nominees didn’t get a look-in as Tina jumped around screaming like a pig in a war. Ulrika kept herself composed this time, ditching the teary theatricals of last week's eviction. Michelle sat there utterly unsure of what face to wear. Mutya grumbled she’d had enough and was going to pack her suitcase.

When pressed on who she thought had voted for her, Tina said: “The blokes. Terry wouldn’t have voted me but the others would.”

Coolio and Ben faired badly in Tina’s review of the housemates, with the rapper having “the IQ of a sprout” and the former A1 singer being “great aesthetically, but that’s where it ends”.

Davina wrapped up the interview by letting us know that “it does look like Mutya will be leaving the house”. Good riddance, Mutya, you pointless, mumbling wretch - crawl back to whatever low-rent warbling career you've mustered up for yourself.

With Tina gone, who’s going to stand up to alpha male Coolio? Will Ben grow some balls and step into Tina's, er, knickers? And why are only the girls getting nominated? Jot down your thoughts here.

Picture: Wenn

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Ofcom targets Coolio

Posted by Dan Curley

Communications and media pit-bull Ofcom has decided to get involved with the latest Big Brother scandal as complaints continue to come in over Coolio’s bullying tactics.

An Ofcom spokesperson said the watchdog has received official complaints about the ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ rapper, but neglected to specify how many complaints have been received. Ofcom has yet to launch an official enquiry.

We think the word “bullying” is a bit harsh to describe Coolio’s behaviour, but he has definitely used his size, vocal might and sheer bombast to lord it over the girls (including Ben).

His constant riling of Michelle, suggesting she’s got something going with Ben, has left her crying so often the Big Brother house carpet will need wringing out once the show’s over.

He also made some very horrible remarks to Lucy Pinder during their dismal paparazzi task, reducing her to tears. He suggested one of the other female housemates should beat Lucy up because she’d started to get on his wick.

He’s tried his luck with every female housemate (except Tina, surprisingly!) and badgered Mutya to the point where she felt uncomfortable around him: “Let me see your ears baby, you’ve got some pretty-ass ears!”

So what do you think? Has Coolio crossed the line or is he just being a Jack the Lad? Should Ofcom come gunning for him or is this just another knee-jerk reaction that’s been blown out of proportion? Comment below and let us know what you think.

Picture: Wenn

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Lucy's out - so why's Ulrika crying?

Posted by Jane Murphy

So the public have spoken, the votes have been counted and verified, blah, blah, blah - and the first person to be evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house was Page 3/Tory girl Lucy Pinder. But when Davina went live to the house, it was all about Ulrika.

For reasons that probably won't become fully clear until tonight's catch-up show, the much-maligned mum-of-four was sobbing uncontrollably into her hands shortly before the eviction announcement. And even when Lucy was given her marching orders, the cameras stayed on Ulrika.

Of course, it could all just have been a desperate attempt to steal the limelight. Or perhaps Coolio had driven her to distraction with another of his in-your-face rapping sessions. Or maybe - just maybe - these were genuine tears of emotion from a much misunderstood woman.

Lucy certainly thinks it's the latter. After leaving the house to a roughly equal mix of cheers and boos, the oh-so-gracious evictee told Davina: "Ulrika was the biggest surprise to me. She's really warm and motherly." Mind you, she was very fond of Verne, too. "He's lovely - a very calming presence," she gushed.

So who would Lucy have nominated for eviction if she'd still been in the house? Needless to say, Coolio would have got her first vote - but despite much over-zealous coaxing from Davina, she had trouble naming a second nominee. In the end, she opted for Ben - saying she didn't speak to him much and they have very little in common.

Still, a much-larger-than-was-strictly-necessary proportion of the eviction interview consisted of Davina bemoaning the fact that Lucy hadn't shown everyone her "baps" during the talent show task. "I really wanted you to get them out," whined Ms McCall. "I'll get them out for you later," Lucy promised - thus providing the Daily Star with its dream headline.

So did the right person leave? Could Ulrika go on to win? And will Coolio ever shut up? Tell us what you think.

Picture: Wenn

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Why Ulrika must stay!

Posted by Jane Murphy

Last night's catch-up show in a nutshell? Terry ended his reign as head of house by becoming king for a day - which meant he got to wear regal robes and ride round on the back of Verne's scooter. Result!

Squirrel-faced La Toya was given a jester costume and (another) false nose in order to entertain King Terry, while Ulrika and Lucy gave him a massage. "Ten years ago, this would have given me a lob-on," Terry revealed. (I think he was referring to the massage, rather than La Toya being dressed as a jester. Still, whatever turns you on...)

In other news, Coolio apologised to Michelle for his constant jibes about her "relationship" with Ben. Later, Tommy and Michelle danced to a Dolly Parton track while everyone else ate sausage rolls. And then Tommy got all paranoid because he thought Big Brother might have edited the footage to make it look like there was something going on between him and Michelle. As if!

Still, the highlight of the programme was the bit we'd already seen in Tuesday's live show - which ended with Ulrika and Lucy being up for eviction on Friday, after the rest of the housemates opted to save Ben. Now, unless I'm very much mistaken, Ulrika was pretty hurt when she found out Terry had deemed her the housemate with the biggest ego - but she later claimed to be overjoyed at the prospect of going home.

But here's the thing: I don't think we should let Ulrika go just yet. Lucy's obviously a nice girl and all that, but I can't imagine she's suddenly going to become super-entertaining if she stays in the house. Ulrika, on the other hand, could probably benefit from even the vaguest nod of approval from the Great British public. If she stops believing the whole world has it in for her, she might lighten up a bit and start to enjoy herself.

In fact, I've never really understood why everyone takes such a vehement dislike to Ulrika. I mean, what has she actually done wrong? Taking the England manager's mind off his game before the 2002 World Cup was obviously a bit of a no-no - but other than that, what's the problem? Come on, people: give Ulrika a chance!

Picture: Wenn

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The Tuesday nominations

Posted by Will Parkhouse

"Everybody's runnin' but half of them ain't lookin' / At what's goin' on in the kitchen but I don't know what's cookin'." These may have been the words Coolio gave us in his 1995 hit song 'Gangsta's Paradise', but in last night's CBB, the opposite proved to be true – not only did the weird-haired rapper seem to spend most of the day in the kitchen, but a bit of over-zealous chicken marinating led to some very close scrutiny of his culinary activities.

Ulrika and Tina were particularly critical, pontificating from their beds like Roman empresses. Look out, Cools – it was a disagreement over poultry that sparked the notorious events of Shilpagate.

The 45-year-old was at the centre of even more controversy when Michelle ended the day blubbing in the Diary Room because of the unremitting ribbing she got from Coolio about whether she'd ever thought about having sex with Ben. Surely he could've just asked if she'd ever seen the red hot music video of A1's chart-topping classic 'Same Old Brand New You' and he would've got his answer.

King Christian

Posted by Dan Curley

Today Head of House Terry Christian gets promoted even further up the food chain: he’s now King For The Day.

Not unlike the Masters and Servants task of previous Big Brothers, this all about leadership – with a bit of domination thrown in for good measure.

Terry, dressed in typical king’s clobber of crown and robe, cannot do a single thing for himself or the rules of the game are broken. Not only do the other housemates have to feed him and open doors for him, they have to carry him about, wipe his backside and even bathe him.

After being given his brief, Terry walked out of the diary room and bellowed to his tiny kingdom: "If you all want to have a party later on, this is your task. I'm not going to be asking you to kiss my ring – well, not just yet anyway."