Big Brother Final - Live (cont.)

Posted by Darren Lee

So, as widely predicted, it comes down to this: Basildon's finest export since Depeche Mode, Brian, against The Twins, in a battle of (dim)wits.

What this says about the state of our once great nation is a question for another time: right now, the only thing which matters is whether Samanda (as no-one calls them) have what it takes to pip Brian to that lucrative exclusive Heat interview and six-month presenting contract on an obscure Digital channel.

First up though, it's Liam's interview...

Post your opinions, comments and vitriolic abuse as events unfold here.

10.00pm: Here we go again then... and they're advertising for next year's housemates already! Anyone game?

10.11pm: Liam doesn't seem too gutted about not winning: hardly surprising really as he's already £100k up and doesn't realise there's any prize money still to blag.

10.13pm: Davina probes him about his 'wings of steel': Nicky's a 'nice lass' but not, apparently, girlfriend material. He backtracks a bit after a resounding chorus of boos.

10.17pm: It's now officially 'squeaky bum' time as Sir Alex would have it: Brian sits with a twin on each arm, looking every bit like the cat who's got its cream.

10.18pm: BRIAN WINS BIG BROTHER 8!!!! Cue lots of screaming, hugging, jumping around and the like.

10.21pm: After all that excitement, it's time for the Twins to exit the house.

10.26pm: Awesome stat from Davina: the Twins got through the entire series of Big Brother without one single nomination. That's pretty impressive.

10.27pm: Davina talks about 'the kiss'. Sam says she'd be 'delighted' if Amanda married Brian. Think she's getting a bit ahead of herself there.

10.31pm: More giggling and random unintelligible screeching.

10.36pm: Big Brother 8 winner Brian leaves the house to a fanfare of fireworks.

10.42pm: Brian does, it transpires, know who Shakespeare is after all: "he's the director who done Romeo and Juliet." He's currently more concerned with the fact that his pecker's been shown on TV though.

10.45pm: "Amanda says she really likes you," Davina tells Brian, in the my-mate-really-fancies-you sort of way a girl approaches a boy at the school disco. Bless.

10.48pm: The first thing Brian's going to do upon returning to the outside world is "buy a bottle of cider" and he's vowed to spend his prize money "down Lakeside". Essex retailers collectively pop their champagne corks.

10.52pm: That's pretty much it, bar the cheesy montage. It's been emotional. Now we can at least return to something approaching normality - until Celebrity Love Island starts anyway.

Big Brother Final - Live

Posted by Darren Lee

Are you ready then? Well frankly, I'm not sure I am, but duty calls...

The night's big question: who will finish sixth, Jonty or Carole? FACT Carole is the oldest housemate ever to have reached a Big Brother final, which, in my book, makes her officially a game old bird and worthy of victory tonight.

That said, Vanessa Feltz is right this moment backing Ziggy to win on BBLB so maybe the force is with him.

Quick prediction based on nothing more than idle speculation:
Sixth: Carole
Fifth: Jonty
Fourth: Liam
Third: Ziggy
Second: Brian
First: Sam and Amanda

8.46pm: Jonty's sixth! and Carole's fifth! No surprise there really, but I'm gutted I got the order wrong.

8.51pm: Davina's interviewing Jonty first, and immediately brings up his farting: "It's a real gas being in that house" he japes, as if it's the funniest thing he's ever heard.

9.01pm: Carole's up now: and she's looking good! Well, relatively speaking. She must be the first housemate to come out of the BB house looking better than when she went in.

9.03pm: Davina's giving Carole hair tips in an uber patronising manner. This is slightly embarassing.

9.08pm: Ziggy's next out!

9.09pm: Ziggy looks visibly nervous: he's been in a perpetual state of existential crisis since the Chanelle episode earler in the week, so this should be interesting...

9.15pm: "I'm just delighted to be fourth," Ziggy says, through gritted teeth. Davina calls the Chiggy romance the relationship of the summer, which seems a bit rich: isn't she aware of Abi Titmuss and Joe Mott?

9.17pm: Chanelle is put on the spot by Davina about Ziggy: she looks unconvinced, but peer pressure dictates she gives him the nod.

9.23pm: Liam third!

9.25pm: Liam's got half an hour until he has to leave the house. Time for a much needed breather and a chance to take in everything that's happened so far.

Big Brother Final: on your marks...

Posted by Darren Lee

Right then, here goes: It’s day 94 in the Big Brother house. More importantly, it’s when we finally get to find out who’ll join the illustrious list of former BB winners such as Pete, Nadia and, er, Cameron.

Empires have been won and lost in less time than it's taken Big Brother 8 to rumble to its conclusion and the seemingly bottomless pool of contestants (23 at the last count) has left us bewildered, confused and just a little exasperated.

So, like a beloved but past-it family pet, it's probably for the best that the series is put to sleep before it becomes a source of undue burden and festering resentment.

Unlike previous years, tonight's final at least offers the novelty of suspense: it’s not immediately clear who’s going to win. The bookies have it as a toss-up between the Twins and Brian, and given how much the Great British Public tend to cherish gibbering imbecility, I'd say they’re pretty much on the money. Me, I'm rooting for Carole, but what do I know? I thought Emily Parr was a sure-fire winner…

I'll be with you throughout the night as events unfold, so please leave your comments below, if only to validate my otherwise empty existence.

Jonty genius

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Wow, Jonty totally owned the Big Brother highlights last night. Dali would’ve been jealous at the high calibre of surrealism the J-man was throwing out, both in his role as "Big Jonty" (BB had the afternoon off) and on his own terms:

To Ziggy: “Big Jonty was wondering how you would feel if your name was changed to ‘Plastic Grass’?”

To the twins: "If it meant you would win Big Brother, would you share a bloodbath with the other housemates?"

And best of all:

Jonty: "Wouldn't it be weird if we were on our way out and one by one we all turned into sun-cream lotion?  There’d be no point interviewing us - we wouldn’t say very much. We’d be blue with ‘very high 30’ written across us.”
Ziggy: "That would just be strange."
Jonty: "Very strange. That would just mess the whole show up.”

If only he’d been in from the start!

You must remember this…

It’s been more than 90 days since the freaks walked through the doors of the Big Brother house. We look back at three months of blog posts and comments…

As is tradition, BB started with a series of wild rumours, including a bizarre tale that a parrot would be entering the house. Blogger Amanda was terrified at the news that Peaches Geldof would be presenting BB’s Big Mouth. Then a newspaper got hold of a list of names and we eagerly awaited the arrival of housemates Shelton, Gwen and Charles. Gotta love the Daily Star.

We were taken aback on launch night when the first housemates to enter the house were twins. And then they all turned out to be girls. “All these cleavages are putting me off my strawberry sherbet,” commented rebellfoxx. “There’s nothing less appealing than watching 11 women squawking at one another, looking cattily at each others’ thighs, and jostling for psychological supremacy,” mused Blogger Amanda.

But then Ziggy arrived. Blogger Will was impressed, but predicted a rocky ride for Mr Suave: “I give it two more days before those cool winks are replaced by the flailing arms of a man being drowned in a big tub of oestrogen.” BB8 became big news as Emily used A Very Bad Word and was unceremoniously booted out. “Granted Emily ain’t no Jay-Z so she should have watched her P's and Q's - and N's,” quipped blogger Helen. “But by chucking her out, aren't BB risking turning this into Shilpagate mark II?”

Before the new boys Gerry and Seany had time to settle, Lesley walked, claiming to be bored. Blogger Jane couldn’t believe it: “Bored? With so many vibrant, interesting conversations about make-up going on at once?” Blogger Lucy was relieved at the arrival of four new men (Liam, Brian, Jonathan and Billi), noting that Liam “did say before entering the house he ‘hates bitchiness’, which is like saying you hate singing and then entering X Factor.” Shabnam became the first evictee (what took us so long?) and then Liam won £100k. “Liam is so nice! I shall be marrying him soon,” commented Claire H.

We didn't have much time to recover before Seany was out. “One dysfunctional cretin less in the dysfunctional house,” commented Mervyn. It wasn’t long before king preener Billi was off too. “Given the size of Billi’s ego, it was obvious he'd be shocked to leave,” wrote Blogger Lucy. Then Jonathan walked! He had his reasons – sadly, his Gran died. “I liked Jonathan, his deadpan humour was straight to the point,” commented CP. It surely was, CP, it surely was.

Week 6 was Fake Week, which we enjoyed very much. Actress Thaila Zucchi went in, pretending to be an Australian called Pauline. “Pauline’s accent is a bit patchy and Carol is onto her,” suggested commenter Jo. The week ended with the fake eviction and Charley’s Big Moment. “Is there nothing she can't twist?” commented Rhian. “Hundreds of people booing and she thinks they love her...”

So Charley went back in, and Brian’s popularity continued to soar. We loved him so much, we even started a quote of the day section devoted to the self-proclaimed Fresh Prince of Basildon. But Gerry was also in fine fettle, particularly during his existential crisis, suggesting that if an atomic bomb went off, “Carole will be there cooking for the cockroaches.”

Then it was Charley’s time to go for real, and Blogger Will was worried: “I for one am scared she’ll jump out of the TV screen and shout ‘I’mnotbeingfunnyright but you’re pathetic yeah?’ into my face over and over again until the welcome hand of death pulls me towards its loving embrace...” Commenter Lizzie B was less concerned: “Go on then Charley, coz I am not intimidated.”

Meanwhile, the Chanelle-Ziggy tiffs continued. Blogger Amanda was firm: “Stop the desperate attention-seeking, Chanelle, and leave. Just do it.” Chanelle did as she was told and walked the following day. Right on cue, Liam snogged Amy, filling the couple-vacuum nicely. “Is she really a model? She doesn't looks like one,” commented Lia cattily.

There was more Brian magic in the form of a snog with Amanda and some quote gold, but by the start of August, we were also coming around to the magic of the twins. “It must be great being them, really,” wrote Blogger Amanda (no relation). “So long as they've got pink walls and pink lipstick, they're smiling.” Blogger Will, meanwhile, was all about Jonty, asking “Which other housemate in BB history has successfully combined a lofty maturity and vulnerable stoicism with farting loudly, talking to cuddly toys and giggling like a maniac?”

Gerry was off next, sacrificing himself so Carole could stay. “Thanx a bunch Gerry, we’ve got to suffer Carole some more now,” moaned Jules in the comments. Good point. And when the house matriarch wasn't nominated the next week, Tracey and Kara-Louise ended up being evicted – though Davina’s McFall got just as much attention. Blogger Jolene commiserated: “Davina! I feel sorry for your poorly knees and hands! Hmmm, will that be front page of tomorrow's tabloids rather than a rather sorry-looking Kara-Lou and a tie-dyed Trace? Probably.”

We finally reached the home strait. The debate raged about Ziggy: “By far the most entertaining housemate this year,” commented Claire; “Zach is cowardly, manipulative, dishonest, two-faced, lazy, uber-narcissistic, unreliable, a cheat, a liar and an absolute moron,” responded Simon H. Blogger Jane put forward the case for a Carole victory: “She may moan, snipe and harbour a bizarre obsession with piccalilli, but Carole has displayed real warmth and strength of character throughout the entire series.”

That's as maybe - but who's really going to win the thing? Check back here on Friday night – we’ll be live blogging the big finale from 8.30pm.

Brotherly hate

Posted by Gaby Freeman

I suppose I can count myself lucky on two counts. First, I’m not taking part in this year’s moronic and tedious Big Brother; and second, in not doing so I’ve avoided having to skin a creature that is to me, a furry friend. The skinning of the rabbits earlier this month was the final straw for me, and I stopped watching it.

BB8 has been a total stinker, and I’m certainly not the only person to be saying it. I appreciate that there are quite a few people (judging from the huge response on our forums) who have become engrossed in it, but even the usually watchable Davina’s gurning has stunk of desperation.

Most of the contestants seem to be either emotionally disturbed or just a bit dim, and the dumb machinations of certain contenders have been plastic attempts to ape real emotion and behaviour. Endemol’s decision to make it a vehicle for “pick me!” Page 3 hopefuls and Z-list supermarket openers is a short-term, low-rent series killer.  

It’s a low and withered end to what was originally a brilliant concept. Will they skin a cat or a dog on live television to get more viewers next year? Seriously, Big Brother: go away. And don’t come back until you’ve actually got a point.

Why Carole's the real winner

Posted by Jane Murphy

First, a disclaimer: I am genetically programmed to back losers. So with the same driving force that compels me to wander into the bookies at the start of every footie season and stick a tenner on Crystal Palace to win the FA Cup, I must urge you all to vote for Carole to win Big Brother.

OK, I know she doesn't have a chance in hell - but hear me out. She may moan, snipe and harbour a bizarre obsession with piccalilli, but Carole has displayed real warmth and strength of character throughout the entire series. Remember, she's more than 20 years older than everyone else. She doesn't possess the instant people-pleasing qualities of youth and beauty, but she's still made good friends in there and has shown she can empathise with other people.

She may also have done more than her fair share of the cooking and cleaning - but that's not necessarily a bad thing, is it? It might not make scintillating TV, but somebody's got to clean the toilet.

And while I'm backing outsiders, a quick word about latecomer Jonty. Again, youth and looks aren't on his side - but his good nature and game-for-anything attitude have seen him join the likes of Eugene and Jon Tickle in the not-very-long list of Big Brother's great British eccentrics. For this, at least, he deserves a huge cheer when he leaves the house tomorrow.

It's characters like Carole and Jonty that make the show worth watching. They're unique. They're surprising. If they put their heads together, they could be dead certs for the Christmas No.1 single. In fact, I might nip down to the bookies and stick a few quid on them both now...

Frailty, thy name is man

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Women, eh? If they’re not nagging you for weeing on the bathroom floor or trying to persuade you to put on some clean boxer shorts after a mere 15 days' use, they’re destroying your popularity with the voting public.

According to our poll (voting's still open!), it could be a case of first in, last out: the twins have 42% of the vote to Brian’s 31%. Liam’s eating dust with a mere 14% and Ziggy’s out of sight, with 7%. But where did it go wrong for the boys? To their credit, Samanda have been remarkable for not giving way to grumpiness or boredom - but the boys have sacrificed victory at the altar of Woman.

Ziggy entered the house with the quiet strut of a man who’s wearing the most amazing pair of trousers ever. Then he got it on with Chanelle. Now he’s shuffling round the house in a hoodie like a particularly narky member of the living dead.

And Liam. By showing his weakness for Amy's Page 3 orbs, Liam flew too close to The Sun, with his honest bloke selling point getting dashed on the rocks in the confusion. Even those wings of steel couldn’t save him.

Brian? Before all this “I love you, Amanda” business, he was a dead cert for the £100k. I thought his vulnerable side might give him a boost, but instead it’s made him look needy. As a BB fan, Brian should've known that pairing up in the house is a stunningly rubbish idea. Unless you're Sam and Amanda, that is.

The task task

Posted by Will Parkhouse

In case you missed it, there was a lovely moment on last night’s highlights show. The housemates had been given the challenge of coming up with their own idea for a task, which they'd then have to pitch to Big Brother.

The gang were divided into pairs and told to get brainstorming. In the bedroom, we saw Jonty explaining to Ziggy his rather highbrow idea based on the American Civil War, which would involve one set of blue-costumed housemates representing the Union and the other Confederates, dressed in grey. The task, Jonty explained, would also feature speeches from Jefferson Davis and Abraham Lincoln.

Cut to Liam and Brian in the other room. Liam: "How do you spell 'booze'?"

The Zac seat

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Warning: you’re about to read something quite controversial. If you’re a sensitive type, go and get your blanket. I have something to say about Ziggy. And it’s this: I quite like him.

He’s had a tough week. It’s like Big Brother’s declared war on the golden-locked ex-minstrel in one last attempt to break him before he ascends into D-list heaven (aka Chinawhite).

If being called a “bastard” by Richard Madeley wasn’t harsh enough – and coming from Britain’s most affable man, that is pretty harsh – then reuniting Ziggy with his No.1 headache ‘n’ heartache Chanelle for a fleeting few minutes was certainly enough to send the Zigster to a town called Ouch.

These aren’t the first tribulations the Zigmeister’s had to face. He may not have behaved completely gallantly throughout BB8, but he’s stuck with it when it would’ve been easy to walk. Big Brother for him, then, has been about endurance. Where Liam, Brian and Samanda have looked after the fun (and Carole the admin), Ziggy has provided the backbone. He won’t win, but he should make it to Day 94, and deserves to do so.