Goodbye to Mr Vain

Posted by Lucy Waterlow

Billi: two-faced, arrogant and vain. Not my words, but Billi’s own. Is it any wonder 51% of you voted him out tonight?

The preening model met a sea of boos as he left, inciting the crowd further by putting his finger to his lips to shush them and then cupping his hand to his ear as if he couldn’t hear them.

"There are some cheers out there," said Davina, trying to reassure him. I couldn’t hear them. Maybe it was his Mum.

Given the size of Billi’s ego, it was obvious he'd be shocked to leave - he told Davina he expected to last at least a month. Though he was nominated by half the house it was, he said, Sam and Liam’s votes that hurt the most. As for Charley, he added, they left on good terms, but she was a "nightmare to live with" (mmm, tell us something we don’t know) and they "could fall out at any time".

I detected a hint of bitterness when he spoke of the so-called Chanelle-Ziggy love triangle; he insisted he didn’t fancy the Posh lookalike, despite evidence to the contrary. He did concede when pushed by Davina - in top girly gossip mode - that he might have made a move if Ziggy hadn’t been there.

Then, with typical sour grapes, he said he was sure Ziggy would dump Chanelle the moment he left the house and go on the pull with his new-found fame (something Billi also admitted that he intended to do – run for cover, girls!)

And so we enter another week. Could this finally be the one where Charley gets nominated? Or will Big Brother have another trick up their sleeve to help her stay in and keep things stirred up? Stay tuned…

Billi no mates

Posted by Lucy Waterlow

Game-playing blew up in Billi’s face this evening when he became the third evictee. Even boasting this morning that he would go on the pull if evicted tonight was not enough to keep him in.

He was nominated by eight of his fellow housemates, so there were no tears when Davina called his name.

Unlike the previous two evictions, no-one even looked shocked - they all seemed to be resigned to his departure. I'm sure Charley will see his eviction as a personal victory, given that she's argued so much with Billi this week. Little does she know she is equally unpopular (if not more so).

So what led to Billi's downfall? His attempts to break up this series' lovebirds Chanelle and Ziggy? His love of sunglasses and his own reflection? Or was it his inability to charm any ladies in the house, despite thinking he’s God’s gift to women?

All of these things, of course - but also the fact that he didn’t know when to shut up. If he hadn’t argued so much with Charley about his nominations, his would still have counted and she’d be leaving instead of him.

What does puzzle me is that Billi often spoke in the house about Big Brother tactics and how he'd learnt so much about how to do well from watching other series. Yet he often broke the rules and repeated Sezer's fatal mistake from last year by displaying sheer arrogance. It’s not an attractive quality and only encouraged viewers to try to bring him down a peg or two. Which is exactly what they’ve done.

Now he’s got to face the pantomime crowd... Check back later to see how he reacts and whether he can charm Davina.

Is there more to Bri than meets the eye?

Posted by Amanda Vlietstra

I love little Brian. OK, so I wasn’t too impressed by the bed-wetting. But hey, we all make mistakes. And Brian doesn’t seem to have a bad, um, bone in his body (if we overlook the “massaging Charley” incident, of course).

That said, there’s been some speculation amongst Big Brother fans that he might not be as dumb as he seems to be, and that we’re all being taken in by that Beavis and Butthead laugh. A few people have suggested that he might be trying to “do a Jade” to increase his popularity outside the house - well, there’s definitely a gap in the market for a loveable reality TV idiot now everybody hates her again.

After all, who in the whole of the UK can really claim, like Brian, that they haven’t heard of Shakespeare? There’s a Shakespeare play on the syllabus for every school kid doing GCSE in English Lit – and according to Brian’s old headmaster, Brian got a grade C in his (which isn’t too shabby on the brains front either). But I was studying Bri’s face intently when he made the claim not to know who Shakespeare was, and if he was pretending, then Kenneth Branagh better watch his back – he’s got serious competition in the acting stakes!

Brian’s also very astute about the housemates when he wants to be – he’s definitely got Charley’s number. I was really impressed by the way he broke up the screaming match between Billi and the bigmouth in quite a mature fashion, pointing out “do you see Carole behaving like that?” And it worked! OK so the hapless pair probably felt as if they were being savaged by a cute little kitten, but it certainly shut them up. Nobody else has achieved that yet.

I’m certainly not claiming Brian is a possible contender for Mastermind – but I do think there’s more to him than meets the eye. Don’t you?

Tracey deconstructed

Posted by Amanda Vlietstra

Poor old Tracey, eh? Not only is she up for eviction again this week, but to add to her woes, she's run out of fags. The poor wee love has been reduced to attempting to smoke dried basil from the kitchen cupboard! Still, I'm prepared to bet that's not the only herb she's smoked in her time.

She's a strange one, old Trace. The public seem to like her because they think she's “keeping it real.” But think about it: what's “real” about a grown woman spending days at a time in a chemically induced state of euphoria, gurning in a field? I find it strange that she's so conscious of retaining her identity, with loads of comments like “I'm just me, I’m just Trace,” when drugs are just a way of escaping from reality, losing your inhibitions and effectively becoming someone else for a while.

I suspect the truth is that, without drugs, she's actually quite a dull person. She's adopted the raver's dress code (hideous) and language (ridiculous – no adult should under any circumstance use the word 'phat') to give herself an identity, in the same way that Goths and Emos do because they want to rebel against their parents but crave the acceptance of their peers. However, Tracey is 38 and your average Goth or Emo is 16 or 17 – the same age I was when I outgrew the rave scene back in 1994.

Tracey, though, hasn’t let herself outgrow it. She's a Peter Pan figure, forever stuck in the early 90s. It's telling that she doesn't have a partner or children. She obviously doesn’t feel equipped to deal with the reality of the adult world, so she’s choosing to avoid it. I can’t help wondering what she’d actually spend the money on if she won – pills and glow sticks? I do feel a bit sorry for her, but I can't admire anyone who's chosen to fry their brain on drugs rather than actually achieve anything with their life. And yeah, Pete Doherty, that goes for you, too.

Losing sleep

Posted by Will Parkhouse

Voluntary sleep deprivation is a barmy and hilarious thing. The last time I experimented with this precarious state of mind, I ended up sprawled on a 6am coach to Cardiff singing the songs of Bob Dylan, while my friend ran up and down the aisle with sick bags on his hands and a seat cover tied to his head.

So imagine my delight – go on, do it – when I heard that this week’s task for housemates was to stay awake for a total of 60 hours without dropping off.

Let’s face it, usually the tasks are more about giving the contestants something to do than the viewers something to watch. If I want to see grown adults messing around on assault courses, I’ll drop by my nearest army barracks or break out the old Gladiators VHSes.

However, this task looks set to be both highly entertaining and utterly gruelling. For Big Brother to introduce it in only the third week is rather brave – a bit like telling Paula Radcliffe to interrupt a marathon a few miles in to do 4,000 press-ups. The effect on the housemates should be dramatic: imagine the non-drug-related hallucinations Tracey’ll be seeing! And the speed at which Nicky’s mood will start swinging! And… sweet Jesus… think how irritable Charley’s going to get. Actually, that last thought’s so terrifying, my hands are actually shaking.

The downside of all this, of course - apart from the possibility that Charley will rip the entire house apart with her teeth - is that by the time the gang do finally succumb to some soothing shuteye, viewers themselves are likely to follow suit.

So long Seany

Posted by Lucy Waterlow

The prankster has left the building. Seany has spent the past four years trying to get on Big Brother but now his dream is over after just two weeks. But he was all smiles and v-signs as he was evicted. That’s the peace sign by the way - he wasn’t being rude to the crowd, who were uncharacteristically nice to him.

In fact, given the enthusiastic reception he got as he left and the fact that he had the studio audience in stitches throughout his interview with Davina, I’m beginning to wonder who did want him out. Actually it was 44.5% of you.

Seany said he was “overwhelmed” by the support from the crowd but also admitted he was surprised to be nominated and evicted at all. His face dropped when he was shown that Brian, Chanelle, Charley, Nicky and Tracey all wanted shot of him.

Interestingly, he was most surprised by Charley’s nomination - which goes to show she can’t be offending her fellow housemates as much as she is us viewers.

“All week she’s been saying she couldn’t believe anyone would nominate me,” a stunned Seany revealed.

Love has been in the air in the house this week, so what did he make of all the romance? Well, said the Irishman, most of it has “gone over his head” - he hasn’t noticed any flirting between Chanelle and Billi and he doesn’t “understand” her relationship with Ziggy.

From his own point of view love-wise, he said Gerry is a “nice guy and a good kisser”, but not his type. And Seany's tip for the next Big Brother romance? It’s Gerry’s teddy and Chanelle’s rabbit – oh he’s such a kidder!

Finally when asked about his favourite housemate, with a tear in his eye, he named Laura. He hopes she wins (I hope she doesn’t).

So another one bites the dust until next week. Before signing off, Davina revealed the housemates have “a week of hell ahead”. Do you think that means they're sending Shabnam back in?

Seany shocker

Posted by Lucy Waterlow

The second eviction from the house may have been looming, but for the last 24 hours the housemates seemed to have been more preoccupied with their love lives than the fact they will be one down after tonight. Maybe it was because they all expected Jonathan to leave and no-one would really notice his absence.

So there were stunned gasps all round when Davina called Seany's name. "Where did this come from?" cried Gerry... Erm, has he missed the whole point of nominations and the public vote? The twins cried and Ziggy looked shocked, but it's definitely Laura who is going to miss Seany the most - he was her closest ally in there.

I think it's a shame Seany's going so soon. I'm sure his wind-ups weren't nice for the victims (particularly when he stole Lesley's duvet as the poor woman slept), but they were amusing to watch. The triumphant Charley-soaking aside, my favourite wind-up of his was when he convinced Brian that in Ireland they don't have electricity or toilets!

And at least Seany was actually creating some action in the house, unlike his eviction rivals Jonathan and Carole. I hope now Carole's been saved she'll cheer up a bit. All she's done this week (apart from clean) is cry - even after the smallest kind of confrontation or problem. Maybe that's why she's unemployed - perhaps she bursts into tears when a job interviewer asks her a question she doesn't like.

So, it's the final countdown for Seany - in less than half an hour he'll be taking the walk of shame... Check back later to see how he fared with the crowd (surely the Charley-haters will give him a cheer?) and what revelations Davina gets out of him.

Get Jonathan out!

Posted by Amanda Vlietstra

So Friday’s rolled around and it’s time to kiss another housemate goodbye... But who will it be?

Seany was initially the bookie’s favourite to go, but by shoving Charley full-clothed into the swimming pool, he’s won the admiration of the nation, and I think he might have saved his place in the house – for another week, at least.

As for Carole, well, she’s been a real disappointment. Remember Kitten, the so-called anarchist of BB5? Well, I was hoping for some similar quasi-political rants off Carole, only better informed – but nope. All she’s done is moan about keeping the house clean and tidy. She hasn’t even demonstrated to the more, er, innocent housemates how to put a condom on a courgette, as the sexual worker who visited my old school did (effectively putting us all off the idea for a good few more years).

I couldn’t care less whether she stays or goes, but dull as she is, she’s not as boring as Jonathan. What is the point of him? Why did Big Brother bosses even bother getting him on the show? He doesn’t need the money and he’s not going to cop off with anyone in the house – get him out!

Liam, it was really nothing

Posted by Will Parkhouse

It was a one-minute decision that they could’ve got disastrously wrong. But I think when Carole, Seany and Jonathan decided Liam should be the one to get the £100,000 Big Brother put on offer last night, they probably chose wisely.

Ziggy was mooted at first: nice guy, but it would’ve struck a bum note. He’s already Mr Perfect – we don’t need him walking the streets of London with a bucket of ready-cash to throw to mewling orphans as well. And at 26, he almost seems a bit old to be graced with the benefits of a beneficent benefactor.

The twins? Well, while it would’ve been funny if they’d just given it to Amanda (or just to Sam), setting off an epic saga of sibling squabblery to span the generations, but they’d only have spent it on a crapload of tacky pink paraphernalia. Living in a house in which every single item is bright pink is fine when you’re an 18-year-old girl - but hit your 30s and it’s kind of creepy.

Think how wrong they could’ve got it, too. “We’ve decided on… Charley.” All smiles and happiness at first. Skip forward half an hour and Britain’s Most Hated Woman would’ve been bragging like the world was about to end and only a massive amount of bragging could save it.

Nah, Liam’s about right. The young and humble tree surgeon would never have put himself forward for such riches – and that’s as good a reason as any to give him the 100 grand. Maybe he can buy himself a new chainsaw. With diamonds on it.

Who do you think they should’ve given the money to, and why?

Mole money

Posted by Will Parkhouse

So Charley thinks Jonathan’s a mole. I don’t really understand this whole "mole" business.

The excited whisperings about the existence of moles in the house began on BB6 when Makosi started behaving a bit oddly. But what would the point of a mole be? To stir things up a bit? We’ve got Charley and Nicky to do that. To perform hilarious pranks, like putting wet tissue paper in people’s £170 boots? Done that already. To spy on the housemates? Well, don’t tell anyone, but I think there’s a camera or two in the BB house already.

And Jonathan – what’s he done to merit such suspicion? Earn £6m I guess, which automatically means everyone can have a pop at him because Rich People Are All Evil.

I’d be far more suspicious of Liam, who, according to Gerry, spends every waking minute talking about trees. If this was wartime England, he’d be locked up in a dungeon for that kind of code-ridden chat.

Or how about Chanelle, whose startingly familiar impression of BB7’s Nikki last night showed she’d spent her time before going into the house poring over old Big Brother textbooks? Throwing a hissy-fit about how cold it is? Yawn. Except the mask kept slipping, as she kept giggling. You wouldn’t see that kind of thing from Nikki: she’s a professional.

Chanelle couldn’t convince Ziggy, who has a remarkable ability to see through the monuments of stupidity that parade past his eyes on a daily basis. Ah – he’s the mole!